3way Links

The hottest lesbian comedy Not on T. V.!!!!!

About the Show

3Way is Three’s Company for a new generation.

After a tabloid-worthy divorce from vintage action star Dirk LaBonte, Siobhan (Maeve Quinlan) moves her lesbian best friend, Roxie (Cathy Shim), into her house believing this will be good for both her soul and her newly flattened wallet. Siobhan’s looking for a brand new start. A week later, in true lesbian fashion, Roxie moves her new girlfriend, Andrea (Jill Bennett), into the house, making it a 3Way. Roxie’s ex, Geri, (Maile Flanagan) inserts herself into the 3way.

Siobhan’s brand new start looks a little crowded. It might not be what she envisioned, but it’ll be one hell of a ride!

Characters Siobhan McGarry (Maeve Quinlan)

Siobhan (pronounced Shi-vawn) is best known for her Emmy Award winning role as Doctor Veronica Whitley on the daytime drama Young Doctors Who Cry. She devotes her spare time to working out, facials, and her favorite charity Vegans Against Game-hunting (VAG).

Siobhan is the only child of Seamus and Fionnuala McGarry, who immigrated from Dublin, Ireland to the ever-exciting town of Naperville, Illinois. Siobhan’s best friend is her childhood next-door neighbor Roxanne (Roxie) Lautzenheiser, who is also an only child born to immigrants (Korean).

Siobhan’s first lead acting role was as Mary in her kindergarten’s Nativity play. Setting the bar high for her first theatrical role, she has only played leading ladies ever since. She was voted Homecoming Queen runner-up her senior year in High School, then became the actual Homecoming queen when Melody Hubbard, the reigning queen, got knocked up.

Siobhan and Roxie went to Northwestern University together, where Siobhan majored in theatre and was the president of her sorority, Tau Iota Tau. Siobhan had planned to save her virginity until marriage, but got drunk the night before graduation and accidentally had sex with her professor.

Siobhan moved to New York in hopes of a Broadway career. Her first professional acting job was a being a narrator for Eco-Lab Industrial (Equine Limb Dismemberment). She followed that up with a commercial for Kotex (Germany) Mini-Pads with Wings, was the butt-double for Sharon Stone in a straight-to-video movie (uncredited), and had a bit part in Time for Kill Time where she played Pedestrian #2 on camera, and met and fell in love with action star Dirk LaBonte off-camera.

Dirk and Siobhan had a whirlwind courtship that began with sex in his trailer, and ended with a big church wedding along the Cliffs of Moher on the west coast of Ireland. The guests were transported from LA by Dirk’s 747 (Macho Air) and the wedding was exclusively covered by Trendy Celeb Magazine.

Their up-and-down (mostly down) marriage lasted 9 years and 364 days. It quickly went downhill when Siobhan won a Daytime Emmy for her role of Dr. Veronica Whitley on Young Doctors Who Cry and Dirk, a recovering you-name-it alcoholic, went on an eating bender that topped out at 458 lbs and continues to this day.

AGE: 6 years older than she says she is RELATIONSHIP: Divorced from action star Dirk LaBonte, presently single and still recovering VICES: Bad boys and bad cholesterol MOST PRIZED POSSESSION: Her dog, her Emmy and her boob job FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Only watches shows shot prior to 1980, unless she’s in them: Young Doctor’s Who Cry (only her episodes), Sonny and Cher, Charlie’s Angels, The Love Boat, Bewitched, Gilligan’s Island, Brady Brunch, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Lawrence Welk Show (her parents made her watch it for the dancing, she watched it for the bubbles). FAVORITE MOVIES: Breakfast at Tiffany’s, The Sound of Music, Grease, Babe, All About Eve, Pretty Woman, Saw II FAVORITE VIDEO: Richard Simon’s Sweating to the Oldies FAVORITE BANDS/SINGERS: Sonny and Cher, Olivia Newton-John, Crystal Gayle, Madonna, Duran Duran, Sinead O’Connor (pre-heresy), Tom Jones, David Cassidy, Flogging Mollies, U2, anything Irish, anything disco. FAVORITE DRINK: Frozen Margaritas (no salt, black and tans (short head, go girl & vodka (Effen), martinis (only on dates), Bud-lite (only in the morning) FAVORITE BOOKS: Skinny Bitch, anything by Tony Robbins, Diana - The Untold Story, You’ll Never Eat Lunch in This Town Again, books on Jane Seymour, pop-up books, Hello God, It’s Me Margaret FAVORITE FOODS: It’s not what she’ll eat, it’s what she won’t eat: no cute cows, no fuzzy wuzzy lambs, no cute piggly wigglies, no chickies, no deer, nothing. Fish have feelings too, and all turkeys should be pardoned. HEROES: Cher (70’s version), Farrah Fawcett (when she was Farrah Fawcett-Majors), Chris Evert, and Susan Lucci DISLIKES: Asshole B-movie action stars particularly ones she’s married. Close-talkers and space-invaders. People who pronounce her name "Sio-ban". Toilet talk or sex talk, messy people, messy eaters, messy hair, mini-vans, bad breath, missing digits and masturbation. LIKES: being recognized, accessory dogs, walking a red carpet, signing autographs, and soap conventions. Also, playing tennis and singing karaoke (sometimes together).

Andrea Bailey (Jill Bennett)

Andrea’s name is pronounced ahn-drea, and she makes a mental note to fuck with anyone who mispronounces it. Andrea used to be an actress, and found some success in commercials (her claim to fame was “what’s that smell?�,) but left acting to become a costume designer after her last gig ended and she spent 15 months unemployed. She is currently a certified P.UA.

Growing up, Andrea was very shy, but she came out of her shell after years of tap dancing lessons and recitals that were forced upon her by her mother. Despite being comfortably middle class, she grew up sharing one bedroom with three brothers and four cats, and is consequently very protective of her personal space.

Andrea has a difficult time with monogamy, but really wants to make it work with Roxie. She needs to be able to flirt shamelessly with other women, which doesn’t always go over well. Despite her spiky demeanor, she’s a sap when it comes to weddings, funerals, and any tv show/movie with animals. A member of the West Hollywood Women’s Choir, her secret desire is to play the cowbell in a Bangles tribute band.

Andrea holds the Cedar Point park record for most successive rides on the Cedar Creek Mine Ride in one day (56).

FAVORITE TV SHOWS: anything on public access, American Idol, Temptation Island, 30 Rock (TINA FEY!!!), Inside the NFL, Cathouse, Entourage, reruns of The Cosby Show, It’s a Different World, and Diff’rent Strokes. FAVORITE MOVIES: Indiana Jones Trilogy, Matrix Trilogy, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Star Wars Trilogy, Die Hard Trilogy, Saw Trilogy, Spiderman Trilogy, Looks Who’s Talking Trilogy, Terminator Trilogy, Toy Story Trilogy, Underworld Trilogy, Godfather I, Godfather II. FAVORITE MUSIC: Journey, Van Halen, Black Sabbath, Eminem, Kanye West, Heart, Stevie Nicks, Donna Summer, the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack, Nine Inch Nails, Milli Vanilli FAVORITE DRINK: Veuve Cliquot champagne, but when she can’t afford that (which is most of the time,) Michelob Ultra Amber beer FAVORITE BOOKS: The Satanic Verses, The Hebrew Bible, Where the Red Fern Grows, Cad, any biography on Barbra Streisand, Delta of Venus, The International Guide to Mixed Drinks, and her personal bible…The Game. FAVORITE FOODS: beef, lamb, chicken…pretty much anything that once had a face HEROES: world leaders who kick ass and take names, George Clooney DISLIKES: shy people, overly chlorinated swimming pools, scatological humor, privileged rich kids, clutter, camping, “little dog people,� poison ivy, beets LIKES: strip clubs, wnba games, lesbian bars, action films, rare steaks, the colts, afternoon sex

Roxie Lautzenheiser (Cathy Shim)

Roxanne ("Roxie)" is a fitness guru who loves working out, is employed as a yoga & spin instructor at the local gym. Obsessed with self-discipline and keeping fit, Roxie starts each morning with a set of push-ups and sit-ups (regardless of how hung over she is); is incredibly tough and has very high standards for herself, but is often disappointed. She went to college for nutrition and fitness and never finished, but considers herself an expert because she reads things online about nutrition all the time.

Roxie is an avid believer in all things empowering women. Besides spin and yoga, she also teaches pole dancing classes every week. Roxie believes that a woman’s vagina is her center, her sexuality the strongest source of strength and love, where life is created and begins. She talks openly and explicitly about the power of her inner labia, and and freely encourages all women to do the same.

Roxie came out as a lesbian her freshman year of college. Her very traditional Korean parents quickly disowned her, and she, in turn, disowned them back by legally changing her name to "Lautzenheiser." People usually assume either (a) she was adopted by Germans, (b) her father was in the military and met her mother on duty, or (c) she’s the heiress to an incredibly wealthy and well-known Asian conglomerate overseas and prefers anonymity. Siobhan, her best friend in the whole world and roommate through college, is the only one who knows the truth — who loved her unconditionally both before and after coming out.

Geri was Roxie’s very first girlfriend (they met while Geri was doing security for a college frat party Siobhan dragged her to), and Roxie’s never gone back. Roxie met her current girlfriend, Andrea, at the karaoke bar Shamefulls. Roxie had seen her there multiple times before, but was seeing someone at the time; but when Roxie ended up at Shamefulls after her ex dumped her, she finally went up to Andrea, and something about her struck Rox as different than anything she’s ever had before. Andrea’s not afraid to say it like it is and her boldness and courage to live life truthfully is a source of admiration to Roxie; the fact that she’s beautiful and has an awesome rack helps, too.

FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Mr. Belvedere, Growing Pains, Small Wonder, Three’s Company, The Facts of Life, Laverne & Shirley, Wild on E! (w/ Brooke Burke), all fitness infomercials, Taxicab Confessions, Intervention (not because she needs one) FAVORITE MOVIES: Old Shirley Temple movies, anything with Bruce Lee, My Sassy Girl (the Korean version), Heavenly Creatures, Lady Vengeance, Faces of Death, The Little Mermaid, The Fox and the Hound FAVORITE BANDS: Good heartbreak/"fuck you" and "fuck me" songs, me-against-the-world songs, let’s-fuck-this-life-you-and-I-together songs, songs that make her horny, and all old school Disney cartoon musicals for the childhood she never had FAVORITE DRINK: Shot of Patron, Jameson on the rocks, double shot of Bacardi 151 with maraschino cherry syrup floating on top — in rapid succession when she’s feeling especially randy FAVORITE BOOKS: Whoever Fights Monsters, Obsession, Helter Skelter, Girl, Interrupted, Death of Innocents, V.C. Andrews (before she died) and all true crime FAVORITE FOODS: Beer and Vodka with a splash of sake (yes that counts as food) HEROES: All the women in her classes DISLIKES: People who smell bad and think baby wipes count as showers, rotten decay breath, any lumpy dairy product, obnoxious horn honkers, people with no inside voice, cheaters and liars, people who aren’t living, haters, people who give up, my family. LIKES: A splash of gin in the morning, an afternoon beer (or a couple), shots of bourbon with tea, whiskey on the rocks for dinner, Laphroaig sweetened with swigs of barenjaeger for a nightcap (or a few), anything atrociously “dirty, dirty� when I’m “in the mood� (aka smashed); the smell of sweat in skin folds, spooning.

Geri O’Flanagan (Maile Flanagan)

Geri served in Stuttgart in U.S. Army right out of high school. She tells people she was an MP, but she was actually a supply clerk. She has worked as a security officer for the last several years, and she’s also available for hire as a personal body guard or bouncer.

Formerly a champion high diver, Geri has been out since the age of 11 (girl scout camp). She has 10 brothers and sisters and 54 cousins, most of whom live in Encino. Geri knows a little about everything, and whatever she doesn’t know, she makes up. She has had about 300 girlfriends of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities and mental agility, and keeps a memento of each one. She lost her finger recently in a tragic "security incident" (i.e. she slammed it in a car door), but this has only enhanced her appeal with women.

FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Bounty Girls Miami, Cops, Inside American Jail, The Investigators, Hollywood Heat, Cold Case, Without a Trace, C.S.I. and Sponge Bob FAVORITE MOVIES: Gia, Scarface, Heat, most Lifetime movies FAVORITE BANDS: Journey, Led Zellpin, AC/DC, Skynrd, Green Day, most metal, R&B from the late ’70s and early ’80s FAVORITE DRINK: Coffee with a Jaeger chase or Goldschlager, any American beer FAVORITE BOOKS: True crime FAVORITE FOODS: Pancakes and bacon, pancakes and ham, pancakes and sausage HEROES: Policemen and women of the U.S.A, Eleanor Roosevelt. DISLIKES: Non-American beer, flag burners, Americans who are ex-pats, manicurists, high heels, public urination (except when necessary), eggplant (except when necessary), fancy haircuts, small dogs, fishing, gardening, and hospitals. LIKES: Conspiracy theories, security systems, dirt bike racing, pinball and grilled meats. Chicks, broads, dames, ladies and sisters.