There's a new version of our iOS App available, now with video on iPad! Do us a solid and rate it in the iTunes Store!

Melrose Place: Season 1, Episode 6 "Shoreline" Review - Featured

So we're 6 episodes into Melrose Place and I haven't given up just yet. The show remains tolerable bordering on mildly entertaining, if for no other reason than having the (dis)pleasure of witnessing the trainwreck that is Ashlee Simpson (Wentz)'s acting on a weekly basis. Seriously, I've decided that the girl must be a zombie of some form. Her combined wooden voice, blank stares and bony appearance (and seriously...the girl just popped out a baby) just don't seem human.


Note to Dr. Michael Mancini. Any patient that shows up in your office dressed like that is probably trouble...


This week was a Violent-centric episode, so naturally it was one of my favorites thus far. We start with her rifling through Auggie's room (he's away surfing in Cabo and completely absent from this episode) and seductively rubbing herself all over his bed and clothes and stuff because you know...totally normal.



While snooping, Violet finds a letter from Sydney in Auggie's dresser describing her ex-husband woes. Since the letter refers to "Michael", naturally Violet immediately knows that this must be one Dr. Michael Mancini and hightails it over to his hospital. But before this, she puts on her skanky best and then downs a bunch of coffee and Red Bull so as to "feel like she's dying" and have an excuse to visit a cardiologist. The good doctor is initially alarmed by Violet's appearance in his office, but she convinces him to examine her, though they soon learn Violet "looks like a very healthy young woman" and merely consumed too much caffeine (said by Dr. Michael Mancini in very much the "I want to bone you" intonation after he also had taken an extended looksie at her breasts during the examination; he's so classy!). Since Violet doesn't have medical insurance (omg, CW wants you to think about health care reform), the exam is "off the books".


Of course, Violet wants to "take care of" Dr. Michael Mancini like he took care of her, so she invites him to Cole for some drinks. He shows, they flirt, but then he gets a call from his wife, who is having trouble with their autistic(?) child (something's wrong with the kid - I don't remember if we know exactly what and I don't care enough to look it up), so he has to head home. But wait! Violet - in a totally-not-creepy sort of way - shows up in the also-not-creepy back alley where the doc is retrieving his Mercedes to make sure that he is safe to drive. She requests that he "make her feel better" and some hot spicy car sex follows.


The next afternoon, Dr. Michael Mancini returns to his home to find his wife interviewing their new nanny candidate (who just registered at the agency that day). If you've ever watched any sort of trashy TV on any channel ever, you would know before it was shown that said candidate was none other than a winking Violet Foster. Michael demands to know what her ballgame is, and she reveals not-iPhone footage of their hookup and announces that she's going to make him pay for hurting her mother.


Other stuff happened in this episode too:

1) Lauren's hooking intersected with David's art-thievery on some sort of mafia-boat-party, so she had to get Frannie from Greek to help her sneak off of the boat before David noticed her. David ended up getting beat up and Lauren took him over to the hospital. Do I sense a love connection between these 2?

2) Jonah's having money troubles. Riley gets discovered and is going to model jeans for money. Ella is less than thrilled. Yayyyyy!


I could talk more about the show's additional characters, but really I just wanted to focus on Ashlee's genius work this week.


But for a few additional thoughts:

-I'm glad Michael Mancini made the comment that "clearly Violet didn't think he was her father" because...incest...gross, but how has Violet ruled this out as a possibility?

-I'm assuming the show can't afford Josie Bissett on a weekly basis, but it's a little weird that she was introduced as this big new villain last week and then was neither seen nor heard from at all this week.

-Somebody should tell Lauren that all of her designer dresses that she seems to be buying for her hooking will slow down the process of paying for medical school (which means she'll have to do more hooking which means she'll have to buy more designer dresses which means...)

-I liked Michael Rady's Jonah for the show's first 2 weeks (and Jessica Lucas's Riley)...but these 2 have quickly gotten boooorrrrring. These days, beyond Ella - clearly the show's best character - I'm liking where they're going with David, who seems to have a little more depth and intrigue going for him than those 2 snoozefests and Lauren.

-"Do you drink a lot of caffeine? Because sometimes that can cause a racing heartbeat." - OMG, Dr. Michael Mancini. You are the best. Cardiologist. Ever.


So how's everyone liking Melrose Place lately?

Comments

Picture?type=square&height=200&width=200
Oct 20, 2009 8:49PM EDT
i havent seen the old MPbut im really liking this onei dont think its boring, im actually waiting the whole week for a new episode
Default avatar cat
Oct 14, 2009 11:21PM EDT
well i'm honestly luvin the show so far...i haven't been bored yet, i've honestly stopped comparing it 2 the Vintage MP cuz well i'm done being masochistic. this revamp still has my vote, i just hope it stays that way..oh and Ella is the best so far and well J&R are all lovey dovey and a bit annoying but as we all know from the MP history books, it's the calm b4 the storm. Oh, and is Violet the nu KimberLy? What do ya'LL think?
Want to comment on this post? First, you must log in to your SideReel account!