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Greene Screenings: Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators

By: Doron Greene

Good news everyone! Your regular author of Greene Screenings is taking a break this week, so I am stepping in for Rebecca. I finally made it to the show!(All of her good ideas were secretly mine anyway.) A third of the way into the season, below are my predictions for all the shows I watch.


Monday

How I Met Your Mother: Will continue to suck.

House:  House and Cuddy break up in the finale.  Foreman realizes he loves Thirteen and tries to win her back.  Based on Internet chatter, next year might be the last for House, so perhaps the final season will be about House relapsing, then fixing himself up and wining back Cuddy for good.


Tuesday

Glee:  The New Directions win the finals in New York, but this fails to make them more popular; instead they realize they are happy with who they are and don’t care about what other people think (but then they really do).  Schuester reconnects with his ex-wife; Emma breaks up with Carl and returns to pining away for Schue.  Also the football bullies who slushy everyone will not get expelled or suspended or disciplined in anyway.

Raising Hope:  Jimmy and Sabrina get together.  Hope says her first word.  No clues are revealed as to where in America they live.  (I think this is the best knew comedy on TV.)

Running Wilde: Will be cancelled.

Detroit 1-8-7:  A case from Fitch’s past in New York comes back to haunt him.  He tells Ariana he likes her, but she rejects him.  Sgt Langford gets shot and dies (he is a year away from retirement, his wife is dead, and he is looking forward to retiring in Italy - how is he not a walking corpse?!).


Wednesday

Modern Family:  Nothing overly dramatic ever happens in this series so there isn’t that much to foretell.  Perhaps Cam and Mitchell officially tie the knot.

Cougar Town:  Jules and Grayson continue to date.  Laurie and Travis hook up.  Sadly the title will remain Cougar Town even though it doesn’t remotely begin to describe what the show is about (I suggest “Friends – Early 40’s Edition”).


Thursday

The Big Bang Theory: After a season of being adrift in the dating pool, Leonard and Penny hook up, but Wolowitz and Bernadette break up.  Raj finally gets over his fear of talking to women… (Bazinga!)

Community:  Will not get renewed for a third season so we’ll be left with an unresolved cliffhanger.  Will Bridgett and Jeff get together?  Will Annie finally transfer schools?  Chang’s plot to ruin the group is foiled, but he regains his position as Spanish professor.

30 Rock:   MattDamon as a regular guest star cannot be sustainable so Liz and Carol break up, and Liz finally adopts a baby.  Jenna stars in the hit sequel to the Rural Juror, and Jack and Avery get hitched.  I hope the producers realize how awesome Elizabeth Banks is and feature her more; also less Kenneth please! 

The Office:  Since this is Steve Carrell’s last season, Michael Scott is fired but, in an ironic turn of events, it’s undeserved.  It would make sense if he were to leave Scranton forever as well, so he will move to wherever Holly is and woo her back.  Instead of promoting from within, Dunder Mifflin hires a new boss.

Outsourced:  I believe this has been picked up for a full season so whatever “ending” they had in mind for Todd and Asha at the end of the original 9 or 13 episodes will be undone and we will have to go through another season of “Will they or won’t they.”  Todd probably starts a relationship with Aussie Tonya - I mean why have her at all if she isn’t part of some love triangle?  Or I could be totally wrong and Todd gets promoted and has to decide if he wants to move back to the States.

Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia:  Sweet Dee’s baby daddy is revealed to be Rickety Cricket – the two rekindled their…whatever…after the radio show episode.  The baby - half bird/half cricket – gets kidnapped by Cricket in an act of ultimate revenge against Dee for ruining his life.

The League:  Jenny wins the championship this season, beating her husband in the finals.  Hopefully El Coñado returns to the show, if not the league itself.  Continues to be the funniest show on television.


Friday

Smallville:  I am going out on a limb here and predicting Clark becomes Batman.  If, in a surprise ending, he instead becomes Superman, he will be introduced as “Supergirl’s secret weapon” (twist!).  Sidenote:  I have not seen an episode of Smallville since the pilot.


Agree?  Disagree?  Have your own theories?  Let me know in the comments section!  Lastly, while unrelated, did anyone else notice that Community and The Office had the same Lady Gaga joke (“you can’t read my Pa Pa Pa Poker face”)?  Coordinated or coincidental?

Previous Greene Screenings:

The Dons of Sunday Night Cable TV

NBC’s Thursday Night Comedy Block a Studly Dud

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