'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Surprise Parting

On week 7 of season 11, we sat through a staggering 90-minute results show peppered with election coverage, DWTS Awards, and Taylor Swift's fairy dust. It all led up to anothersurprising elimination: NBA star Rick Fox. How could this have happened?! As Margaret Cho so beautifully said, "That man looks like he's made of some delicious toffee!"

A nation gasped. Carrie Ann Inahhhhh-berlooked stunned. I waddled tearfully into to my kitchen to stress-snack, blacked out, and am now coming to you liiiiiiiiive, post-trauma. 'Tis a sad, sad day for America.

Kyle Massey and Bristol Palin were also announced as "in jeopardy." At least Kyle's having fun! Bristol spent her Monday night confessional crying and missing Alaska. "I'm tired, I wanna go home, I wanna see my son," she cried. "I know we got like the highest scores ever, but I'm, like, so exhausted." For the love of, like, Lord Mirrorballus, let her go, then! No one should be there who isn't feelin' it. I don't need these people's skin to shimmer from the inside out (though that is obviously the end goal), but I do think their participation should at least seem voluntary!

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