'America's Next Top Model' recap: And the Winner Is...

Well, well, well, Model Behaviorists. Here we are, at the end of a solid cycle that gave us a new reality heroine in the tragically awkward yet suddenly swan-like Ann, offered some truly magical outfits from André Leon Talley, but mostly just reminded us that just when you think Tyra's gone impressively legit, she goes right back to being the queen empress of WTFtown. AKA, makes "motion editorials." But I can't complain. Like my all-time favorite subject of an episode of Intervention, I too am walking on sunshine.

We opened with Ann and Chelsey gushing about being in the top two and sizing each other up. "I've graduated from high school, but this is 20 times better than that," said Ann, raving, reminding all of us how young she is. We saw brief photo montages of each contestant, though sadly (happily?) Ann's famous bacon photo was not among them. Chelsey had a super unfortunate glamour shot with some gruesome '90s bangs -- but don't we all?

Off to the Vogue Italia shoot! Here, wear this babydoll negligee and sit in a field. Perrrrrfect. Now get in a pond and look into the distance. Now stand in some bug-infested overgrown alley. Italy! Both Chelsey and Ann looked super pretty, and duh, this whole episode was edited to be suspenseful, but come the fart on. This was Ann's to lose at this point, and she nailed the shoot -- "she's very high end," said the photog. Chelsey "just works." And then he bid them farewell with the famous couture sign off: "All right, girls, see you when I see you."

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