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AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL “Roberto Cavalli” Review

America's Next Top Model (CW) Roberto Cavalli

It is the finale of America’s Next Top Model and the top two are Ann and Chelsey. You know from the opening monologues which model the producers are behind. Chelsey’s emotional depiction of her years of failure as she struggled to achieve her dream is sad, but, for God’s sake, Ann is tall! She’s tall, the poor thing. It’s the saddest thing in the world. Worse than poverty and failure and baby eating swans. Listen. The acoustic background music tells you so.

The first photo shoot revealed what the judges have been saying all along: Chelsey is pretty, sure, but take a look at Ann!

Of course to make this episode at all interesting, and without the devious personalities that made previous Cycles (I’m looking at you, No. 9) legendary, conflict must be contrived. Ann is shy, so the challenge will be a commercial. It always is, of course, but this year, because it is the new and improved Top Model, they’re going to be shooting their commercials properly, which means they’ll be dubbing. That’s Chelsey’s advantage snuffed.

Ann looks ridiculously happy. You know she’s shoving her stiletto into Chelsey’s thigh under the table.

The fambams of Chelsey and Ann are hauled out of some random street. It’s quite lovely. Until they’re told their fambams would be watching them, not only at the photo shoot but at the fashion show as well.

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