'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' recap: The Return of the Ring

Okay, let's just get this out of the way fast: Kim hop skipped over to the lesbian side for a brief dalliance with an attractive DJ named Tracy. They met at a party, the woman wanted to remix Kandi's Kim's song, they stayed up all night jamming (read: smoking Newports and Googling Kim Zolciak), and they both wear red shoes. How could you not have sex after an evening like that? But Kim, who values discretion and dignity above all else, even Mad Dog, doesn't understand why people are always trying to get up in her business. "We had sex, okay, great," she groaned, so very bored of America's appetite for tacky. "Quiver!"

How dare Sheree and Cynthia try to trick Tracy into opening her mouth at the nonsensical drag racing event. How dare Tracy overstep her bounds -- she is Kim's greatest fan, mind you,not her friend -- and risk answering any of those hornet women's questions. Kim couldn't twirl her wig or crack her gum hard enough with her lesbian lover -- fan! -- in the room. God, just get over it people. Who she has sex with is none of our business. She'd rather talk about the music.

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