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The Real Housewives of New York Recap: All Hail the Queen

Let's be honest with ourselves. This show has deteriorated, withered before our very eyes, much like Sonja the Big Gay Icon in one of her lovah Brian's portraits. It solely exists for those who like to watch women complain and cluck about each other over an otherwise lovely meal. So far, there's no physical violence happening, although Sonja is definitely due for a farm fresh one across her blousy bottom. But the pots, they've been stirred. Let's review the state of affairs in the kingdom of the Real Housewives of New York: Ramona spent last week drunkenly stumbling around the hoary bogs of Quogue trying to talk her own brand of sense (probably named True Thoughts® or some such thing) to Kelly and Cindy's brother, neither of whom were having it. And Jill has returned from her extended jaunt down under and is recommitted to not fighting with the other girls. Life's too short for such nonsense, but then she considers that life is also too short to not jump in with the mob to attack Ramona. Sonja brokers a luncheon to bring Kelly and Ramona back together in harmony. Ramona chokes out not one, but two apologies, and Kelly vows that she will never talk about Ramona behind her back, mainly because Ramona's frightening eyes can actually see around the side of her head. Sonja is quite pleased, and they all toast to "evolution." Cindy arrives at Sonja's underground lair of a home, where bats wearing tiaras hang from the ceiling. Sonja has beckoned Cindy so that she can teach her a lesson. You see, last week Cindy cautioned Kelly not to bring her children to Sonja's cooking party because she knew Sonja intended to bring Kelly and Ramona together for a confrontational summit. "What we learned today," sneers Sonja to Cindy, "is I can't tell you things in confidence." Commence mouth-breathing by Cindy as she awaits her next recitation. Sonja is not only a majestic gay icon, but also has experience in the "worlds of society," all of them. So Sonja then chastises Cindy for failing to provide Queen Ramona with her life-giving mead, the Pinot Grigio, at her Bog Slog in Quogue last week. There is a pecking order, and while you might rule the roost in the Land of the Hairless, Sonja chides, "Ramona is a star." And when the Star is around, there must be Pinot Grigio present. "What a bitch," says Cindy. Queen Ramona is always looking for ways to expand her already vast business empire, so she's moved into a pyramid scheme jewelry business. She invites LuAnn the Countess of Yore to one of her trickery parties, but LuAnn confides that the jewelry is not really her style. LuAnn much prefers gold chest plates in the shape of butterflies and turquoise bangles. Queen Ramona and Countess LuAnn tussle over the propriety of Ramona's Pinot Grigio gripe with Cindy. Next stop for the Countess is Sonja's home. If you're keeping track, Sonja the Big Gay Icon and Society Worlds Counselor can add another feather to her boa - she is also a noted toaster oven chef. "I've cooked for the Churchills in St Tropez." Something about cooking for the Countess makes her nervous though. LuAnn pretends to like the sol meuniere minutae and asparagus strings that Sonja plates up fresh out of the toaster oven. Jill is tired of the bad press she's gotten for a year now, so she takes up Alex on her invite to come over and play nice. Jill makes a peace offering but Alex has to stick her a couple times, saying she doesn't trust her since that one time when Jill accused Simon of being a flaming lush and the other time when Jill called her children rabid animals. Jill falls on her sword and apologizes, and then they engage in some sort of paper burning ritual that only those with Brooklyn backyards can legally enjoy. But all is not well in the worlds of society, and Queen Ramona reluctantly agrees to meet Hairless Serf Cindy at the Four Seasons to rehash their beef over white wine. Cindy insists that Ramona know how upset she was about the Pinot Grigio fiasco. But Queen Ramona is having none of it. Ramona wanted some adult turtle time with her husband, and that means Pinot Grigio is not optional. "When you're married for 18 years, you'll know," she says condescendingly. Cindy is angry, and they part ways in an awkward fashion. If nothing else, we've learned some lessons about pecking orders (Ramona at the top of the pyramid scheme!) and what's important (Pinot Grigio) and what not to wear to an ASPCA photo shoot (shiny leotard with attached skirt with full-bottomed briefs). But will anyone carry these lessons into next week? Who will be the first to challenge mighty Ramona's starlit reign?


http://www.nypost.com/p/blogs/tvblog/the_real_housewives_queen_new_york_vSsoNYSrfiyCMMwFecw5DI

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