Ooh, we're down to the wire with this semifinal results show. By the end, we will know which three couples will dance for the glittering mirror ball in next week's finale, and we will be wiser for it. Come, let's learn.
Tom is still Tom and Brooke is still a straight key, per their intros. Chelsea and Mark's rumba is the judges' selection for the re-dance. Chelsea once again starts with a giant chiffon veil, like she's a kid playing wedding with her mom's curtains. Once that's off, we're treated to two scantily clad, extremely good-looking, physically fit people intertwining. They are living sculptures and we're watching moving art. As usual!
Hines and Kym's night is recapped. Hines cried even more than we knew after the first performance. After the across-the-board 10's, Kym said, "I would jump in the air, but I shouldn't," which is almost as hilarious as actually jumping in the air (and jumping in the air is hilarious).
Anyway, this means that the three couples headed to the finale are Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas, and Hines Ward and Kym Johnson. Who's got this thing?