I think the title of this week's Reality Rant pretty much speaks for itself, but let me start of with a couple disclaimers. First off, "date" is probably too strong a word for some of these cats... I mean, I probably wouldn't have the patience to take things further than a brief fling of some sort, or perhaps strictly just holding hands for the more "questionable" fellows. Some of them, on the other hand, I would possibly consider marrying (see #2). Secondly, I guess they aren't all "jerks." Some of them are downright scumbags. Others I'm sure are perfectly nice guys, aside from their affinity for acting like total a-holes on cable television. In any case, I'm pretty sure signing up for a trashy reality show altogether requires a dude to accept all sorts of snap judgments, regardless of their accuracy. Without further ado, here are the loser-men (& I mean that in the sexiest way possible) of my TV-watching affection:
1. Kenny from Real World/Road Rules Challenge
He's gotta be #1 on my list due to the fact that I mentioned my "fondness" for him in last week's RR & I was pretty surprised at how many people shared my sentiment for the self-proclaimed "Mr. Beautiful." Yes, he's conceited beyond belief and thinks that winning MTV challenges makes him comparable to God. But he's at least humorous in his cocky ways, and given his demonstrated athletic ability, he could probably single-handedly save me from drowning or from a burning building, if the situation called for it, of course. I mean, I'm just thinking about my safety here.
2. Maksim Chmerkovskiy from Dancing with the Stars
Okay, so he's definitely the least gross out of all these guys, but he's still got plenty of jerk qualities. If you don't watch the show, he's the token "bad boy" professional dancer that no female contestant ever wants to get stuck with. Why? Because he always make them cry. He doesn't play around. DANCE IS LIFE! Personally, I think it's hot (I'll put him in his place!), and if it weren't for the fact that I think he'd get along entirely too well with my Ukrainian grandmother, I'd totally marry him.
3. Bobby from A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila
You may not have watched the multiple spin-offs, but don't lie. You totally watched the first Shot at Love. That being said, wasn't Bobby totally freakin' cute?! If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes (every single week), I would have never believed him to be the type to be on one of the trashiest of trash TV shows. He was sweet, shy (as shy as you can possibly be on said trash TV show), & like I said, freakin' cute. Unfortunately, he's the one who ended up "winning" Tila's heart at the end, so you know he's gotta be somewhat tainted by Tila's grimy clutches. Le sigh.
4. 20 Pack from I Love Money
I know, I know. What's wrong with me?! I'm pretty sure he's dating (hooking up with?) Brittanya, that girl with the pierced dimples from Rock of Love. Which is just perfectly trashtastic -- I wish them well.
5. Flex from Daisy of Love
Okay, no one watched this show, I realize, but... I did. Of course. And based on this list so far, my only requirements for "dating" prospects is a buff bod and spiked hair. But before you write me off as totally shallow, he was significantly less loser-ish than most of the dudes on the show. Plus, he's a gym manager, & I could totally use a free membership. Not like I'd use him or anything. I told you I'm not shallow! Unfortunately, if Daisy de la Hoya is his type, I am most certainly not, anyway. Big loss!
6. Brody from The Hills
He's really way too "frat boy" for my taste (no offense to frat guys, but you know what I mean. He's a total dudebro!). However, if I found a way to put him on "mute" in real life, we might be onto something! Plus, if we got married, I'd be like an honorary Kardashian! Kind of. Sort of... No? Well, at the very least, our hypothetical hookup would totally piss off Kristin Cavallari, and that's practically reason enough for me!
7. Pauly D from Jersey Shore
You're probably gagging right now, but hear me out. He's got mad DJ skillz (okay, so I've never actually listened to his music, but if he sucks, that would totally shatter my dreams). Also, he could do your hair for you, if you're into the whole blowout thing. He did Michael Cera's after all, and that looked pretty flippin' sweet. However, if he thinks I'm gonna be caught dead wearing his-&-her Ed Hardy gear out to the clubs, he's got another thing comin'.
So in conclusion, my type is... guido, apparently. Great. My parents will be so proud.
Who are your reality TV crushes? If you had to pick, that is... ;)