Our 15 Favorite Ari Gold Quotes In Honor Of Entourage's Season 7 Premiere! (NSFW!)

Although Entourage reached an all-time lameness level in its 6th season, we faithful fans at SideReel have big hopes for a more interesting turnaround for the 7th season, which premieres this Sunday at 10:30/9:30c on HBO. After all, no matter how uneventful the episodes are, our favorite character Ari Gold (possibly one of the best TV characters of all time), always comes to the plot's rescue to bring a few epically offensive one-liners to the mix. He's loud, obnoxious, crude, and politically incorrect in every way possible, but that's why he's f***ing awesome. So before you decide to write off the show and not even bother give it another shot this season, check out our favorite 15 Ari Gold-isms and I dare you not to get at least a little excited for Sunday's premiere!



1. Ari (to Vince, regarding E): You know that your man has broken out of the Oompa-Loompa factory and is up to no good? -Season 4, Episode 3: Malibooty


2. Ari: You wanna hug it out? Let's hug it out, bitch. -Season 1, Episode 2: The Review


3. Ari: F*** the phones, Lloyd! Unless Carmen Electra calls for an emergency t****-f***, DON'T ANSWER! -Season 3, Episode 8: The Release


4. Ari (trying to make a move on Mrs. Ari): Come on! I'm like R. Kelly at recess here! -Season 1, Episode 7: The Scene


5. Ari: Keep your eyes on Andrew Kline.

Lloyd: Keep my eyes on him how?

Ari: Pretend he's Zac Efron's ballsack. -Season 6, Episode 4: Running on E


6. Ari: That was a good speech, Lloyd. If I was 25 and liked c***, we could be something. -Season 2, Episode 13: Exodus


7. Jake: Hi Mr. Gold. I'm Jake Steinberg. HR sent me up to replace your last assistant.

Ari: I don't care. Get me Eddy Kapowski on the phone.

Jake: Uhm, any relation to Kelly Kapowski? You know, Saved by the Bell?

Ari: You're finished. Go. You're f***ing fired. -Season 6, Episode 11: Scared Straight


8. Ari: Dana, I have never cheated on my wife, not since she became my wife. But if you want to jerk me in the car now, I'm game. -Season 3, Episode 12: Sorry, Ari


9. Ari: Call me Helen Keller because I'm a f***ing miracle worker! -Season 1, Episode 5: The Script and the Sherpa


10: Ari: Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders, binders, EVERYTHING into a box! If you find a used condom, an executioner's mask, and a f***ing spike paddle, don't think, just pack that bitch! Chop suey! -Season 2, Episode 13: Exodus


11. E (regarding Ari's assistant): No. Don't fire her.

Ari: All right. Well, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits. -Season 1, Episode 8: New York


12. Ari: Smoke more weed, Turtle. Seriously, smoke more weed. -Season 2, Episode 10: The Bat Mizvah


13. Ari: I'll beat that old f*** and throw him in the pool. (to his kids) Only Daddy speaks that way. -Season 2, Episode 10: The Bat Mizvah


14. Ari: Tell Drama he's on the top of my list of things to do today, along with inserting needles into my c***! -Season 3, Episode 6: Three's Company


15. Ari (after hitting Adam Davies): That is what we call a bitch slap. A bitch slap for a BITCH. -Season 5, Episode 3: The All Out Fall Out



Did we leave out any of your favorite Ari Gold moments? Share with fellow Entourage fans below!

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Apr 8, 2016 12:11PM EDT

There are just too many even too list.

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Jun 26, 2010 12:36AM EDT

Season 3 episode 15 - Manic Monday
Ari and his wife are in therapy talking about how Ari has been depressed after Vince fired him.
Ari - I don't have time for this, I have hundreds of clients I have to deal with, and just to be clear, I don't care about any of them, they're all just a number to me, like wife number 1, or therapist number 7, good day.

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Jun 26, 2010 7:20PM EDT

Entourage is going to be sick this year. This is a collection of the top 25 ari quotes and a few videos along with it. There are quotes, cast biography, videos, downloads and more. Dont miss Season 7

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Jun 27, 2010 6:57AM EDT

You got it right. Ari Gold is the best. And - as crude as he wants - he HAS never cheated on his wife - that makes him one of the most awesome men ever.

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