Alex's Reality Rant: American Idol Continues To Bore, Other Lameness Ensues

Hey SideReelers! Welcome to the second weekly installment of Alex's Reality Rant (check out last week's here) and don't forget to get the scoop from Kendra and Rachel's columns too! Also, you can now follow me on Twitter for more specialized updates & commentary on the shows we love to hate and hate to love... along with the occasional Glee or True Blood freak-out to boot! :)



On to the good stuff!



American Idol

Lennon/McCartney week? Wow, what an amazingly original idea! Wait... haven't they already done a suspiciously similar theme before? Like, say, just 2 seasons ago?! Okay, end bitter sarcasm. I don't know if last week's more exciting performances were just a fluke and they've reverted to their "just-so-so" ways, but for the most part yesterday's episode was kind of a snooze. Or maybe it's because this week they didn't have the invaluable guidance of a wise musical mentor-sage like Miley Cyrus or Jamie Foxx. Okay, resume bitter sarcasm. Here are the 3 contestants I think might be in danger tonight:


Tim Urban: Okay, so his rendition of "All My Loving" was pretty good, relatively speaking. Which really isn't saying much. But honestly, even if he had miraculously blown it out of the park, it's just too late, Tim. It's done. It's OVER! The curtain has closed on your permanent creep-smile. And his whole "Oh I didn't notice that my hair was perfectly coiffed to mimic that of a Beatle's" act? Not buyin' it. Plus, every time he performs he for some reason takes on the expression of a kid getting caught with his pants down. I just don't think I could handle the discomfort of watching that again. Okay, I'm done.


Katie Stevens: Again, she did relatively well last night, but every week she just seems so confused. I feel like it was just serendipitous that she managed to pick a song that didn't spur another mind-numbingly redundant "what-kind-of-artist-are-you" debate among the judges. Oh wait, it did spur another debate, regardless. Gosh, aren't the judges sort of paid to think of original and non-lame things to say as part of the panel? I mean, they might as well have just kept Paula, who pretty much said the same garbled combination of nonsense every time... but at least I used to hang on every word of gibberish that came out of her mouth!


Aaron Kelly: Poor kid. He's adorable, has a good voice, & he means well, but I honestly haven't been hugely impressed with him since his first audition when he sang "The Climb" and almost convinced me that a Miley Cyrus song could sound good. But fellow contestants are dropping left & right & it's only a matter of time before he lands himself in the bottom of the pack! Whether or not his time has come tonight... we'll see!



Dancing with the Stars

While I still don't think that Buzz Aldrin was the worst this week (I'm lookin' at you, Kate Gosselin), I think we all know that we only had so much patience left when it came to watching him pace in circles around the stage. & OH SNAP -- Nicole Scherzinger has dropped from the #1 spot! Excuse me while I do a bratty little party dance. Speaking of overrated dancers, here are the 3 most underrated dancers in my opinion; I'm predicting they might be this season's possible dark horses!


Niecy Nash: She & Louis performed a poignant waltz that told the story of love in a racially-segregated 1960s society (I won't lie, I kinda teared up a little). While she's known for being this season's biggest "ham," she clearly has more facets to her performance personality, and unlike many former comedian contestants in the past, she can really move!


Chad Ochocinco: So he's not amazing or anything, but Chad & Cheryl have some serious chemistry. In his practice clips, he comes off as a really hard worker who values his partner's expertise... and his judges' scores have been way lower than he deserves!


Pamela Anderson: Her Paso Doble this week was a little too intense, on the verge of really messy... but hey -- it's better to have too much enthusiasm (and work on pulling it back just a tad) than it is to have no performance energy at all! I've been really impressed with her quick feet and full-out movements despite her moments of clumsiness. It's tough to be so spritely when you're as, errr... "top-heavy" as she is!



Shear Genius

I know what you're thinking: does anyone actually watch that show? YES. I DO. It's awesome, unlike some of its fellow Project Runway & Top Chef-inspired spin-offs. & if you watch it too, you gotta feel me on this one: Brig cannot win. Don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of having that one "wild card" contestant who isn't actually any good at what they're there for, but is purposely kept for a fawkwardly-prolonged period of time for entertainment's (& insanity's) sake. But the season finale is tonight, and allowing her to win over the so-called "Wonder Twins" Matthew and Janine would just be sacrilege. I mean, it would be like when Vienna won The Bachelor! She's terrible! & crazy! & not in a good Lady GaGa sort of way. She is off the reservation, and it's about time they off'd her from the running!



What guilty pleasure reality shows are you hooked on?

Comments

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RachelLEditor
May 12, 2016 3:46PM EDT

re: people who watch Shear Genius...There are dozens of us!So, I think Janine's got it in the bag. They've portrayed her as having a borderline ego lately, but I'll chalk it up to mean Bravo editing. I still think she's cute. I'd be totally fine with Matthew winning too though. If Brig wins, I'll be done with this show. It will be CUT from my lineup (muah ha ha ha).
Other reality guilty pleasures: The Real Housewives of New York City...LOVE. None of the other ones though.

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Apr 7, 2010 11:54PM EDT

I agree, American Idol has been a big bore this season. I think you mentioned it before, the show has evolved into something completely different than what it once was.
The Judges repeatedly talk about sounding like a song could be on an album or what type of artist you are... over and over and over. What happened to going out and singing the hell out of a song? What happened to people trying to be the next American Idol?
Now it's all about commercial value and how much you can sound album-ready during A LIVE SHOW. Last time I went to a concert, the artist didn't sound anything like they do on their record. This isn't Making the Band, they're not trying to make an album. I guess the quality of the show and singing on the show is represented by all of the auto-tune kings they've invited, and continue to invite on the show.

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