I may be an unashamed fan of nearly all reality TV, but at least I know it's dumb, and I still know how to keep it real. Aside from the more "quality" competition show programming like American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance and the like, most reality shows thrive by providing entertainment in three simple forms: drama, scandal, and appalling displays of stupidity. But despite the general dumbness quotient that is required of your average reality show "cast," some TV stars are much stupider than their on-air buddies. Either that, or their brain-to-mouth filters are just far less functional. Or the show's editors just have it out for them. Whatever the root cause, there's no reason to let such hilarity go uncelebrated, so without further ado, here are the 10 dumbest reality TV quotes of all time, in no particular order:
1. "We're brother and sister. At the end of the day, I can't change, I can't make you un-my sister. Trust me, if I could in the past, I would've." -Spencer Pratt, The Hills
I totally feel you, bro. If I had a dollar for ever time I wish I could go back in time and make people un-my family members... I'd still be broke.
2. "Everybody loves me: babies, dogs... ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal." -Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Jersey Shore
...I think that quote speaks for itself.
3. "I know I'm super attractive. You don't feel a connection with me? Who do you think you are, GOD?!" -Natalie Getz, The Bachelor
You're right, Jason Mesnick must be asexual. I mean, after he asked you what you like to do besides shop (in a desperate attempt to find sense in that spray-tanned head of yours), that compelling story you tried to tell about how you "like bears" should have made any normal hot-blooded man bow at your feet!
4. "Some people... they're not very cleansy. Cleansiness. Uh..." -Teresa Giudice, The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Seriously, girl. With all those prostitution whores out there, you never know who might be uncleansy. Friggin' uncleansiness. Nasty.
5. "Is this chicken what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken of the Sea.'" -Jessica Simpson, Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica
It's okay, Jessica. I know. Canned food can be super misleading. Kind of like how "Cougar Town" isn't even about cougars anymore, and your show was still called "Newlyweds" even after 3 years.
6. "What is Hawaii? A state? A continent? Heh. Continent." -Jessica Serfaty, America's Next Top Model Cycle 14
Oh shoot, you didn't know that? I mean, duh, it's right under that other continent, Alaska. Obvi!
7. "What's Walmart? Do they, like, make walls there?" -Paris Hilton, The Simple Life
Yup, just like how Kmart makes Ks. What's even dumber than this quote itself is the fact that she pretended to not know what Walmart is.
8. "I definitely want to look good for Ronnie's parents, because it's the first time they're meeting me. Like, I want them to think like wow, that's her, she's really pretty, and whatever." -Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola, Jersey Shore
Whatever indeed. Yes, Jersey Shore gets two quotes on this list. Because they're that dumb. Are you surprised?
9. "I got this ring when I was 12 years old from my parents, to stay a virgin until I was married, and I stayed a virgin the longest out of all my friends, I tried my hardest, and then it just happened, BOOM, it was gone." -Trisha Cummings, Real World: Sydney
Oh crap, you lost your virginity in a bomb explosion too?
10. "I just want to live a normal life." -Whitney Port, The City
First of all, FALSE. Secondly, it's a little too late for that, isn't it, Honeybunches?
So many dumb reality shows, so little room for bulls*** in my brain. I know I'm forgetting some good ones, so share your favorite dumb reality TV quotes below!