SideReel's 10 Favorite (Dumb) Things Brittany Says On Glee, From "Cool Epilepsy" To "Gay Sharks"

A couple weeks ago, I counted down my top 10 favorite Glee songs so far (though looking back, I'd have to update it to include Finn's rendition of my all-time favorite karaoke jam, "Jesse's Girl"). It was a hard decision, and all you SideReelers made sure to remind me of some other good ones I left out! Now, in honor of tonight's 4th-to-last episode of the 1st season, I'm back with another Glee-ful top 10 list! This time, I'm paying homage to one of the most underrated characters on the show, Brittany. Prior to getting a character "upgrade" along with her partner in crime Santana, her lines had always been few and far between, but when she does open her mouth, her one-liners are always comedy gold. And sure, Glee has plenty of quotable lines, due to the countless ways "Sue C's It" & Rachel's endless neuroses (I'm like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to live), there's just something about our favorite dumb blonde that makes her just a little more "special" than the rest. So, without further ado, in no particular order ('cause that would require a whole lot more eenie-meenie-miney-moing), here are my favorite 10 Brittany quotes... so far, that is!




1. Will: Does anyone know what a ballad is? // Brittany: A male duck. -Episode 10, "Ballad"


2. Brittany: So, Hairography. It works best when you pretend like you're getting tasered. It's like cool epilepsy. -Episode 11, "Hairography"


3. Brittany: She's the one they made me talk to when they found out I was keeping that bird in my locker..." -Episode 13, "Sectionals"


4. Brittany: I'm pretty sure my cat's been reading my diary. -Episode 16, "Home"


5. Brittany: When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist. -Episode 15, "The Power of Madonna"


6. Kurt: What do boys taste like? // Brittany: Usually dip... sometimes it tastes like burgers. Or my armpits -- kissing my armpits is a really big turn on for me. -Episode 18, "Laryngitis"


7. Brittany: Sometimes I add a teaspoon of sand. -Episode 16, "Home"


8. Santana: Look, I'm pretty sure you have to do what we say, and this food was not satisfactory. // Brittany: There was a mouse in mine. -Episode 14, "Hell-O"


9. Brittany: So you're pretty much the only guy in this school that I haven't made out with, because I thought you were capital G Gay, but now that you're not, having a perfect record would mean a lot to me. So, let me know if you want to tap this. -Episode 18, "Laryngitis"


10. Brittany: Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks? -Episode 14, "Hell-O"


Got any other favorite Brittany quotes that didn't make the list? Share below!

Comments

31 comments

Picture?type=square&height=200&width=200
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 18, 2010 6:49PM EDT

Amazing list! All of those definitely are at the top of the of the pile of Brittany ridiculousness. My fav of those is the end of her speech to Kurt when she said, 'so let me know if you want to tap this' since her expression didn't change at all, good stuff!
While it's not as funny on paper, her tone with the following was pretty classic too:
Will: Why have you stopped singing?Brittany: There are too many lyrics.

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 18, 2010 9:39PM EDT

Her character makes me laugh every time whether it be her reactions to things or what she says. Great list.

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 18, 2010 10:39PM EDT

her alibi for the list: I dont know how to turn on a computer

Picture?type=square&height=200&width=200
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 19, 2010 12:23AM EDT

does anyone know what she says about the audience to Will in the live tour? I heard that was meant to be really good, but i don't know what she said.

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 19, 2010 6:15AM EDT

Artie: I'm kind of getting cold feet.Brittany: Can you even feel your feet?
Brittany: I had a cold and I took all my antibiotics at the same time and I forgot how to leave.
lol

Picture?type=square&height=200&width=200
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 19, 2010 7:06PM EDT

Burt: Use ProtectionBrittany: Does he mean like a burgular alarm?
Brittany: Your hands are really soft. Like a baby. Now I know what it's like to date a baby...
And of course the infamous 'sex is not dating' line from Sectionals.

Large screen shot 2015 03 25 at 11.14.04 am thumb
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 19, 2010 7:11PM EDT

@AllanM3 -- LOL, love the baby line. That was definitely an honorable mention!

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 19, 2010 7:35PM EDT

Brittany: I took all my antibiotics at once, and now I don't know how to leave.

Picture?type=square&height=200&width=200
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 19, 2010 8:34PM EDT

Santana: Having sex doesn't mean you're dating.Brittany: Otherwise me and Santana would be dating.(Awkward pause)
(Episode 13: Sectionals)

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 19, 2010 9:05PM EDT

I find it interesting that the main singer in Wicked who sang Defying Gravity is now playing Rachels mother. Ibiza is also Maureen in Rent, think Rachel could pull Maureen off?

Large screen shot 2015 03 25 at 11.14.04 am thumb
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 19, 2010 9:19PM EDT

@nytedreamy -- Good question! As RENT's #1 fan (& Idina Menzel's #1 fan!!), I've seen my share of Maureens... Lea is super versatile but I can't picture her as Maureen... Could be interesting, though! She'd be an awesome Elphaba though, for sure! Besides that, other than looking alike & having awesome voices, I'm not really into comparing Lea & Idina.

Hidden profile
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

jensinajulia
May 19, 2010 9:44PM EDT

I love the line near the beginning of Laryngitis (ep 18) when puck walks in to the music room after he shaved his mohawk and Brittany says "who is that?" So typical that she wouldn't recognize him!

Picture?type=square&height=200&width=200
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 19, 2010 10:10PM EDT

mr. shue: can anyone tell me what a ballad is?brittany: a male duck.....mr. shue: we'll use the hat of fate to pick partnersbrittany: that's where the duck is(Ballads)

Picture?type=square&height=200&width=200
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 20, 2010 5:29AM EDT

"I've been in here since first period. I had a cold, and I took all my antibiotics at once, and now I don't know how to leave..."
"You're a great dancer"Finn: "Thanks, but my feet weren't even moving""That was the best part..."
And one about her character "You're cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows".

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 20, 2010 12:15PM EDT

"sometimes i forget my middle name..."i love brittany, she never gets boring

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 20, 2010 9:04PM EDT

Quinn: where's your wheelchairBrittany: I lost it.

Picture?type=square&height=200&width=200
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 22, 2010 5:22PM EDT

@ Elphaba_T here's the vid for her audience spiel..

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 23, 2010 3:18AM EDT

The new boyfriend one.. the one that is 7 and cute hahah

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 23, 2010 7:55PM EDT

I was at Glee live last night and she was HILARIOUS*Brittany raises hand*Mr.Shue: Yes Brittany?Brittany: What are all these people doing here?Mr.Shue: That's the audienceBrittany: When did they get here? I ate a hard boiled egg from a hobo in the alley and I can't remember anything since then.And that was after two dance numbers, haha. I love her

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 23, 2010 8:00PM EDT

Oh another thing was when the stage hands were setting up and she came out to talk to the audience.Brittany: You know all those stage hands? I made out with all of them, and now I'm waiting for Kurt. We went on a date and he gave me a facial, I think I'm in love.*Kurt walks out onto the stage wearing a feathery blue and green hat and cape*Brittany: You look like a peacockKurt: Thank you BrittanyBrittany: You look like a boy peacock, who likes other boy peacocks

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 25, 2010 6:25AM EDT

artie: I think I'm getting cold feetBrittany: can you even feel your feet?

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 25, 2010 10:03PM EDT

Very relevant (and funny!) video....Brittany's best lines

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 26, 2010 5:04PM EDT

I love when someone like Finn says something like: "Having sex with someone does not mean you are dating."Britteny: "Yea. If it did then Santana and I would be dating."

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 27, 2010 9:38AM EDT

where's your wheelchair brittany?i lost it.

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

May 28, 2010 12:18AM EDT

Finn: guys dont be so mean to rachell,,,, shes kinda cool.Brittany: finn thats meanhaha so funny!!! <3i♥brittany

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

Jun 1, 2010 8:24PM EDT

"sex is not dating, if it were santana and i would be dating"

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

Jun 2, 2010 5:33PM EDT

I love Brittney, she is my favorite character on Glee. My favorite Britney line is from the Power of Madonna episode.
"Mr. Schue... Is Jessie your son?"

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

Jun 3, 2010 8:55PM EDT

"Sometimes I forget my middle name"

Default avatar cat
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

Jun 7, 2010 1:55AM EDT

omg the funniest is wen wil's teaching dance steps and brit just walks on the step thing and starts filming them dancing and then he turns around and sees her and is like
Wil: Brittany...
Brittany: Coach Sylvester didn't tell me to do this.
Wil's all like wat? its HILARIOUS(Hairography) lol

Picture?type=square&height=200&width=200
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

Mar 19, 2015 2:05PM EDT

I've got pepperoni in my bra. Santana that's your nipples

Large screen shot 2015 03 25 at 11.14.04 am thumb
×

What's wrong with this comment?

Let us know why you think this comment is inappropriate.

Mar 19, 2015 5:01PM EDT

Haha omg I totally forgot I even wrote this... Thanks for commenting, Will ;)

Want to comment on this? First, you must log in to your SideReel account!