8. Worst Family Planning: 90210's Annie, daughter of a dad who also fathered an unwanted child, borrows a condom from her adopted brother, himself a once-unwanted child. The condom in question is four years old. Like the ones her and Dixon's dads must've used.
7. Worst Excuse to Get Naked: How bad was Knight Rider? Perhaps the moment that best spoke to the show's desperation to grab eyeballs was the fact that they found a(n absurd) way to get the two leads undressed - while behind the wheel! - inside of the first 15 minutes.
6. Best Use of the Word 'Facetiousness': Tim Gunn berating the masterpiece of self-delusion and bitchiness that is Project Runway's Kenley. After politely advising her to amp up the urban-ness in her very un-hip-hop outfit, Tim finds himself, once again, on the receiving end of Kenley's haughty, defensive attacks. Tim: "It would help if you removed the sarcasm and facetiousness." Seriously, just get her off the show.
5. Best In-House Investigating: David Letterman says John McCain told him he was canceling a planned interview because he had to fly back to Washington, then cuts to raw footage of McCain in New York, prepping for an interview with Katie Couric. Who works at Dave's own network.
4. Strangest Emmy Moment: Josh Groban manages a medley of TV theme songs from The Simpsons to Friends to Happy Days to The Golden Girls to The Love Boat to The Andy Griffith Show to the The Muppet Show to The Jeffersons to Cops to The Fresh Prince of Bel Air to The Tonight Show to Rawhide to M*A*S*H. But why?
3. Most Cringeworthy Corporate Synergy: CNBC interrupts coverage of 1) Paulson and the Senate Banking Committee 2) McCain's first press conference in six weeks and 3) Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at the U.N. so Maria Bartiromo could interview - Ben Silverman? About NBC's Fall TV lineup? As much as we love TV here, we gag a bit when Bartiromo ends the interview by saying, "We can cheer for our sister network, can't we?"
2. Most Blatant Product Placement: We know that in this DVR-driven world, product placement and name-dropping in series will become more and more prominent. But Heroes' shout-out to its sponsor in the two-hour premiere was bordering on painful. "Can I use your cell?" asks Matt Parkman, who was mysteriously teleported to Africa. "It doesn't work," his guide tells him. "I should have used Sprint." Shame, shame, shame. Now, go read our Heroes recap and watch our videos from the set... brought to you by Sprint! (See what we just did there?)
1. Most Shocking Reveal: Heroes' two-hour event has a doozy of a twist. (And no, it had nothing to do with talking turtles.) Creepy mom Angela Petrelli has more tricks up her sleeve than we first imagined. Not only do we experience her prophetic-dream power, we also learn that Nathan and Peter aren't the only Petrelli brothers. The newest member of the first family of super heroics? Sylar.
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