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American Idol Round 1: The Stars, the Possessed, and the Waxed...

American Idol has returned for Season 7 and the auditions are on! And they're just as hilarious as ever. But let's take a moment for an brief announcement:


Friends and family - sometimes love is not always showing support no matter what.


Sometimes love is telling your son, daughter, boyfriend, friend, girlfriend or neighbor or seat-mate on the bus that no, they cannot sing.


That when they try to do so, they do not sound like Frank Sinatra but like Will Ferrell's SNL skit in which he cannot control the volume of his voice.


That yes, waxing your chest before wearing a plastic gold man-bikini does help people stand to look at you, but the costume does not make a glorious singing voice to match.


And yes, American Idol is going for the "star" look, but no you were not rejected because you came across possessed by dead singers or because you're a freaky Star Wars dork. You just cannot sing.


Oh, and if you write a song about stalking an Idol judge, you probably won't be escorted out with a golden ticket in hand. So please, family members and friends of Idol hopefuls remember that sometimes honesty is the best love of all.


Thank you.


But, now, back being kind to the children of the world. Okay, maybe that isn't really possible until Idol auditions are over, but we can try. There certainly were some fantastic Philadelphia success stories last night among the sad little voices, tragic stories, and more tragic costumes.


For a nice, pretty cage-wrestling girl who's grown up in a log cabin, for instance, her dreams have begun to come true! Right along with the nice Uncle Cracker singing pretty small town boy who may not have actually sung well, but weren't we all too mesmerized with his prettiness to care? (Okay, he was actually awesome.)


And the sweet "wedding" singer teenage mother too! So yes, the first round of auditions had some beautiful dreams come true that will probably be crushed pretty soon, but it was wonderful to see them succeed for now!


It definitely looks like this season will bring some stiff competition if the first round is anything to show for it. My bets are that pretty boy, wedding singer teenage mother, and log cabin girl, along with the adorable nanny will be able to go pretty far.


As for our winner... well, maybe we've found him or her, or maybe the next American Idol is to be discovered tonight in great state of Kelly Clarkson!


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