What a great week for confrontation: Bachelorette vs. Bachelorette. President Obama vs. a potential 2012 rival. American Idol vs. music itself. We scratched through catfights and lightsaber duels to get to the ultimate faceoff in our No. 2 spot... and the historic reunion at the top.
11. Worst Idol Performance: The competition is fierce in this week's race to the bottom, but Nick Mitchell's alter ego, Norman Gentle, dressed in a silver shirt, sweat band and shorts, claims top dishonors with a nasally and almost-insulting version of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," a song recently re-popularized by genuine Idol talent Jennifer Hudson. And we are telling you, we're not going... to watch much longer.
10. Most Forceful Workout: Star Wars enthusiast "Master Flynn" makes the Today cast don Jedi robes and wield lightsabers to learn a new Jedi workout incorporating moves like the Rebound, Follow-Through and the Lock. We hope it works, because no one who's into this kind of thing will shed any pounds having sex.
9. Blandest Dish: Top Chef 's final meal. It's fun to see former runner-ups return as sous-chefs, but we don't get to see their personalities as much as we'd like. (Um, Marcel, what's happening?) The whole episode is just more Hosea hating on Stefan, Padma making pretentious comments about the food, and Hosea hating on Stefan some more. And Hosea getting crowned the winner? They couldn't have picked someone more boring?
8. Best Wedding-Day Confession: Brenda Leigh is usually the one to get confessions, but this week The Closer herself has something to cop to. "I love you with all my heart," she tells new husband Fritz. "But sometimes I think my heart is only this big!" Fritz counters that it has room to spare. That, coupled with Brenda's Ding Dong-wedding cake mash-up, makes for a delicious season finale.
7. Least Compelling Catfight: The Bachelor stretches out a no-stakes dispute pitting long-ago-ousted Natalie against pretty much all the other women in the house. Honestly, who cares if Natalie gets mad at people for splashing her in the pool? It's just the latest in a series of bogus controversies the show has used to justify its overlong two-hour running time.
6. Most Compelling Catfight: The Bachelor, take note: Real Housewives of Orange County stages a saucer-of-Veuve-worthy confrontation when fiery Tamra accuses new girl Gretchen of getting paid to care for her older, ailing fiance while keeping a boyfriend on the side. When Gretchen denies it, Tamra coolly tells her, "I think you're a troubled girl." Nothing stings like an understatement full of a tacit insinuation - in this case, "You seem like a total hooker."
5. Worst Road Trip: This week's Big Love builds on what could have been a Vacationesque series of mishaps to a heartbreaking (and Emmy-worthy) conclusion: Sarah (the increasingly brilliant Amanda Seyfried) has a shocking and spontaneous miscarriage that reunites her bickering brood. The Griswolds they aren't.
4. Best Hope for the Future: Oh right, this is why Obama won. As sick as we are of the president showing up all over the dial, like he's Angelina Jolie or something, the man gives an inspiring speech - and came through for sure in his first major address to Congress and the nation. Whatever you think of his economic plan, you have to like his "We are not quitters" message. Because really, quitting in this economy? Good luck getting another job.
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