When we last saw How I Met Your Mother, we were left with two cliffhangers: Robin finally finds out about Barney's love for her, which she then reciprocates, and Ted decides he is done being an architect and opts to become a professor instead. Season 5 tries to tie up some loose ends by forcing Barney and Robin to defy their relationship while Ted starts teaching architecture in a class where he'll eventually meet his future wife.
Picking up where we left off, "Definitions" finds Barney and Robin making it clear to the gang that they're just friends in spite of kissing last season. To prove that they're cool with each other, Barney says something like, "Hey, you still seeing that guy?" ---which Robin replies, "even better -- seeing him naked!" And let's not forget the high-fives.
Only it turns out they've been hooking up all summer, lying to their friends for fear that they'd force them to have "the talk." And that's exactly what happens when Lily and the gang catches them making out. Unfortunately, defining a relationship isn't something either of them is looking forward to do at this point.
So how does Barney keep Robin from becoming his girlfriend? He seems to have all the answers with his self-created rules for girls that apply for Gremlins as well:
1. Never get them wet -- in other words, don't let them take a shower at your place.
2. Keep them away from sunlight -- i.e., don't ever see them during the day
3. Never feed them after midnight -- meaning, she doesn't sleep over, and you don't have breakfast with her. Ever -- And brunch is not cool.
Unfortunately, Barney realizes that he's done all three with Robin, defying the very same principles he created to prevent that from happening. And this leads Ted to believe that Robin is already Barney's girlfriend.
So after many futile attempts to have "the talk," which always leads to having bountiful sex, Lily, who is desperate to start double dating, locks Barney and Robin in the bedroom, which forces Barney and Robin to lie to the gang that they're officially boyfriend-girlfriend just so they can get out of the room. While Ted immediately catches on the lie, Lily confirms what we're all thinking by saying, "No, Ted, they don't realize they weren't lying."
Speaking of Ted, it's his first day in class and his dealing with a lot of angst so Marshall gives him an Indiana Jones fedora and whip as a good luck gift. But as luck would have it, he struggles with what kind of teacher he's going to be and ends up in then wrong classroom. But I guess being late pays off because it forces Ted to stop worrying about what kind of professor he's going to be as he rushes to his real class to teach architecture.
All in all, it wasn't my favorite season opener but it did set up a pretty good arc for the new season and I can't wait to find out how it's all going to play out.
Next week: Robin, Barney, Lily and Marshall go on a double date.