A new season of The Bachelorette just started last week, and Ali Fedotowsky's potential husband count has already dropped from 25 to 14! No, you're not going crazy -- there have only been 2 episodes so far, but I guess time flies when you have whopping 2-hour episodes at a time! So if you haven't been watching and are out of the loop, or you just can't keep track of these studly pieces of man-meat, here's a little cheat-sheet, courtesy of moi! After all, names are hard to remember when there's so much shirtlessness going on, not to mention the very confusing fact that they're pretty much all named Chris, Craig, or John. So here's a list of the 10 remaining hopefuls left in the running, along with my snap judgments. Okay, so there are actually 14 still left in the running, but these 10 are the only interesting ones worth talking about. Try not to let the creepily photoshopped official ABC portraits throw you off -- they don't look quite so much like Chuckie dolls in real life.
1. Chris L. -- 33 from Cape Cod, MA
His enthusiasm is adorable, but did anyone else think it was weird that he lied to Ali about his mom passing away? I mean, I get not wanting to be a downer in his first conversation with her, but isn't it going to make for more awkward moments later when she asks him to tell her more about his mother?
2. Frank -- 31 from Geneva, IL
Not gonna lie, his intensity kinda creeps me out. He's definitely one of the frontrunners, considering he got the first coveted solo date, but he's just so exuberant, I feel like he's going to either pass out or explode at any given moment.
3. Jesse -- 24 from Kansas City, MO
Jesse is HOT. Too hot! Like I said, don't let the creepy photo fool you. Really though, he's too good to be true. I'm pretty sure he's some model dude that has been planted in the mix by the producers to purposely confuse Ali.
4. John C. -- 32 from Mukileteo, WA
Wait. Who is this dude? Aside from his wildly excited facial expression, I can't actually think of anything that makes him stand out. Eh, he doesn't stand a chance.
5. Johnathan -- 30 from Houston, TX
Ah, the Weatherman! This guy's creepy Chuckie picture is actually 100% accurate. Does anyone else think he's a total dweeb? Nevermind, silly question. Anyway, as Ali should have learned herself from her own time on The Bachelor, there's only so far you can go when you spend all your precious alone time talking smack about your competitors. Yeah, he was right to warn her about that ticking time bomb, Craig, but still! He's a goner next week, guaranteed!
6. Justin -- 26 from Toronto, Canada
It's too bad he's already made a complete joke of himself by flaunting his status as a pro wrestler, "Rated R." What a waste; he's pretty hot. Plus, he was the guy voted "worst for Ali" by the other dudes in the house, & those people are always inevitably screwed each season.
7. Kasey -- 27 from San Luis Obispo, CA
I hate to be mean, but what is going on with this dude's voice? Seriously. I need to get to the bottom of this. I assumed he was deaf the second he opened his mouth... but now I don't think he is! So what the heck gives?!
8. Kirk -- 27 from Madison, WI
He made her a scrapbook. A scrapbook! I don't know whether to be relieved or disgusted that it looked like total crap.
9. Roberto -- 26 from Charleston, SC
At first I had written him off as the show's token politically-correct ethnic dude (they always throw at least one in there, and their presence is always short-lived), especially when he brought her out to teach her some cheesy salsa moves. But he's totally changing my mind! He and Ali have some serious chemistry! & if it's not meant to be, I'll play catch with him any day!
10. Ty -- 31 from Franklin, TN
Seems like a sweet guy, but there's something about a dude who's always busting out his guitar that just screams "ulterior motive." & did you notice Ali's look of complete terror when he confessed that he's already been married? Oh well, Ty. That's a secret better out than in!
What do you think of Ali's remaining suitors?' Which dude has their name written all over the final rose?