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The Real Housewives of New York Recap: All Hail the Queen

Let's be honest with ourselves. This show has deteriorated, withered before our very eyes, much like Sonja the Big Gay Icon in one of her lovah Brian's portraits. It solely exists for those who like to watch women complain and cluck about each other over an otherwise lovely meal. So far, there's no physical violence happening, although Sonja is definitely due for a farm fresh one across her blousy bottom. But the pots, they've been stirred. Let's review the state of affairs in the kingdom of the Real Housewives of New York: Ramona spent last week drunkenly stumbling around the hoary bogs of Quogue trying to talk her own brand of sense (probably named True Thoughts® or some such thing) to Kelly and Cindy's brother, neither of whom were having it. And Jill has returned from her extended jaunt down under and is recommitted to not fighting with the other girls. Life's too short for such nonsense, but then she considers that life is also too short to not jump in with the mob to attack Ramona. Sonja brokers a luncheon to bring Kelly and Ramona back together in harmony. Ramona chokes out not one, but two apologies, and Kelly vows that she will never talk about Ramona behind her back, mainly because Ramona's frightening eyes can actually see around the side of her head. Sonja is quite pleased, and they all toast to "evolution." Cindy arrives at Sonja's underground lair of a home, where bats wearing tiaras hang from the ceiling. Sonja has beckoned Cindy so that she can teach her a lesson. You see, last week Cindy cautioned Kelly not to bring her children to Sonja's cooking party because she knew Sonja intended to bring Kelly and Ramona together for a confrontational summit. "What we learned today," sneers Sonja to Cindy, "is I can't tell you things in confidence." Commence mouth-breathing by Cindy as she awaits her next recitation. Sonja is not only a majestic gay icon, but also has experience in the "worlds of society," all of them. So Sonja then chastises Cindy for failing to provide Queen Ramona with her life-giving mead, the Pinot Grigio, at her Bog Slog in Quogue last week. There is a pecking order, and while you might rule the roost in the Land of the Hairless, Sonja chides, "Ramona is a star." And when the Star is around, there must be Pinot Grigio present. "What a bitch," says Cindy. Queen Ramona is always looking for ways to expand her already vast business empire, so she's moved into a pyramid scheme jewelry business. She invites LuAnn the Countess of Yore to one of her trickery parties, but LuAnn confides that the jewelry is not really her style. LuAnn much prefers gold chest plates in the shape of butterflies and turquoise bangles. Queen Ramona and Countess LuAnn tussle over the propriety of Ramona's Pinot Grigio gripe with Cindy. Next stop for the Countess is Sonja's home. If you're keeping track, Sonja the Big Gay Icon and Society Worlds Counselor can add another feather to her boa - she is also a noted toaster oven chef. "I've cooked for the Churchills in St Tropez." Something about cooking for the Countess makes her nervous though. LuAnn pretends to like the sol meuniere minutae and asparagus strings that Sonja plates up fresh out of the toaster oven. Jill is tired of the bad press she's gotten for a year now, so she takes up Alex on her invite to come over and play nice. Jill makes a peace offering but Alex has to stick her a couple times, saying she doesn't trust her since that one time when Jill accused Simon of being a flaming lush and the other time when Jill called her children rabid animals. Jill falls on her sword and apologizes, and then they engage in some sort of paper burning ritual that only those with Brooklyn backyards can legally enjoy. But all is not well in the worlds of society, and Queen Ramona reluctantly agrees to meet Hairless Serf Cindy at the Four Seasons to rehash their beef over white wine. Cindy insists that Ramona know how upset she was about the Pinot Grigio fiasco. But Queen Ramona is having none of it. Ramona wanted some adult turtle time with her husband, and that means Pinot Grigio is not optional. "When you're married for 18 years, you'll know," she says condescendingly. Cindy is angry, and they part ways in an awkward fashion. If nothing else, we've learned some lessons about pecking orders (Ramona at the top of the pyramid scheme!) and what's important (Pinot Grigio) and what not to wear to an ASPCA photo shoot (shiny leotard with attached skirt with full-bottomed briefs). But will anyone carry these lessons into next week? Who will be the first to challenge mighty Ramona's starlit reign? //www.nypost.com/p/blogs/tvblog/the_real_housewives_queen_new_york_vSsoNYSrfiyCMMwFecw5DI

'Real Housewives of New York': Who died and made Sonja Morgan queen?

Something's going down on "The Real Housewives of New York City" and it's certainly not Sonja Morgan's nose. Ever since this season began it's been so high up in the air, we're not surprised she doesn't realize her dresses are too short for her advanced age.In this episode, Sonja did the big "I'm here and you're here" speech to new housewife, Cindy Barshop, with every intention of putting her in her place. "Real Housewives" fans remember that speech that Kelly Killoren Bensimon delivered in her first season on the show to Bethenny Frankel. It was one of the earliest signs that Kelly wasn't 100% with us and it followed her throughout the season, though she never seemed to remember exactly how it all went down. Pecking order, Sonja? Someone forgot she was last season's new girl.Before that incident, Sonja elected herself the job as ambassador during a lunch meeting between Kelly and Ramona Singer. She... //blog.zap2it.com/frominsidethebox/2011/05/real-housewives-of-new-york-who-died-and-made-sonja-morgan-queen.html

'The Real Housewives of New York City' recap: The Class-less System

What was that sound? That shrill, grating voice that, when not shouting "Babby," is lamenting about ended friendships and "pinotpolar" Ramona? That voice that greeted the gaggle of Housewives  on Scary Island and inspired only terror not excitement? That was Jill, who was back from Australia. ( Real Housewives  expert Karen Valby, however, will be back next week.) She met Kelly, LuAnn, and Sonja for lunch—and brought gifts! As she doled out the miniature koalas—which are absolutely not going to be attached to their Chanel bags as per Jill's recommendation—LuAnn looked on half-bemused, half disdainful. "That is so sweet," she murmured, probably wondering, "But  dahling , what shall I ever do with this rodent?" Read More... //tvrecaps.ew.com/recap/real-housewives-new-york/

'The Real Housewives of New York City' Season 4, Episode 5 Recap

Hooray, hooray, Jill Zarin was back. How funny that she thought she'd be home and avoid the drama and gossip and feuds inherent in 'Real Housewives' land! She was up to her neck in backstabbing before the dishes for her welcome home lunch were cleared away. Luann couldn't wait to spread the dirt about Ramona and Cindy and the weirdness in Quogue. In this episode, we discovered that Sonja has some secret talents. She does impressions. Her Ramona was so spot on; you have to wonder if she can do Jill and Kelly, too? Sonja was also quite the diplomat arranging the sit-down between Ramona and Kelly. It was a veritable peace conference, with everyone playing nice. Read More... //www.tvsquad.com/2011/05/06/the-real-housewives-of-new-york-city-season-4-episode-5-recap/