Anything you need to know to avoid wasting your $12 is in the unpromising trailer. In short, Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) have fantasized about a wedding at the Plaza since they were girls.
When Emma's boyfriend proposes - and Liv promptly extorts one from hers - they accidentally wind up with the same wedding date at the same place.
In the real world, best friends with many common pals might turn it into a joint ceremony, but that would result in a movie about one-tenth the tedious 88 minutes required to play this one out to its groaningly predictable climax.
Basically, these women repeatedly try to sabotage each other.
It's a minor blip on the soaring career of Anne Hathaway, who should be receiving an Oscar nomination for her work in the infinitely superior marital comedy "Rachel Getting Married" in a couple of weeks.
But it's another nail in the coffin for Kate Hudson, whose career has long been headed in the other direction.
Looking at her rap sheet, Hudson has shockingly not done a single film worth watching - and many worth actively avoiding - since she scored an Oscar nomination for "Almost Famous" seven long years ago.
Ostensibly only three years older than Hathaway in real life, the hard and weary Hudson looks perhaps a decade older than her fresh-faced co-star which - together with their complete lack of chemistry together - makes it hard to accept them as best friends since childhood.
Hathaway, who underplays, fares better than the eyeball-rolling Hudson. Also, the latter's character is highly obnoxious - and Hathaway is far more believable as a meek middle-school teacher than Hudson is as a high-powered lawyer.
Candice Bergen seems intensely bored as the wedding planner of both women - and she will have plenty of company in the audience.
As for the bland actors stuck playing the hapless grooms, we'll spare them further embarrassment.
"Bride Wars" may lead future generations to believe that before the Great Recession of the early 21st century, even teachers could save up for a wedding at the Plaza.