The Real Housewives of New York' Season 3, Episode 12 Recap: The stuff of nightmares

I'm tasked with the strange duty of describing a woman's serious unraveling. At a certain point last night, right around the times the women themselves realized that whoa, hold up, hold up, something really is wrong here, and not just reality TV wrong, I got tremendously sad. Kelly is not just mean, or off, or a little Aspergers-y. I think it was after she called Alex a vampire, and cried that Bethenny had tried to kill her multiple times, and ran down the hall in search of lollipops and gum bearies that my stomach knotted up and I wanted the crazy lady to just GO TO BED! GO TO BED PLEASE! because you are really scaring me.

The episode started off on edge. It was the morning after Turtle Time and Ramona seemed to still be riding the Pinot pony. What is it about St. John's that brings out the absolute adorable best in this woman? Unlike Kelly, who cannot resist any opportunity to strike for Bethenny's jugular. She's still strangely insisting that Bethenny is a mere cook, not that she cares, but since when does catering a party make someone a chef, and oh my God, could she care less. Bethenny, looking all of 15 in her braids, yells for her to cut the bulls - which causes Kelly to throw her hands up in righteous innocence, insisting that Bethenny lives in a horror film while she dances and skips with sparrows and blue birds in a Disney movie. Bethenny retreats to her laptop on the sofa, her eyes brimming over with tears. Kelly keeps insisting, on the phone to Jill, in her private interviews, in a desperate wail to Sonja that she is the vulnerable party here and that Bethenny is out stab her to death with her knife mouth. The idea that Bethenny herself is being wounded by all these confrontations has never crossed her fragmented mind.

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