Last night on "America's Got Talent," we had two good acts in Breaksk8 and Beale Street Flippers, then 20 minutes of Susan Boyle and Meredith Vieira.
It's here! The moment's arrived! The final audition show! Hell yes, guys! I'm so sick of having to listen to escaped mental patients tone-deafly warble "New York, New York" while dressed in their Halloweeny best. Bring on Las Vegas!
But first... we start things off with eight rollerskating Hoosiers. They call themselves Breaksk8. I had typed "Break Skate" in the hopes that they did not pull an Avril Lavigne "Sk8r Boi" thing... sigh. Anyway, I have to say... they are really fun to watch. Piers buzzes them, which I don't get. They are as good as several different acts that have been put through to Las Vegas. Tell them to jazz it up and see what they do when they come back. The Hoff is hesitant too. Huh. Piers likes the dancing but doesn't like the skates. WHAT? That's what I liked about it, that's what made them different! Sharon agrees with me. Piers says no, but luckily the Hoff caves and says yes.
Good Montage. Mosaic, a men's acapella group which makes my panties just burst into flames. I have a weird obsession with acapella music. Shout-out to UPenn Off the Beat, The Brown Derbies, Straight No Chaser, The True Men and The Pikers. I own all your CDs and yes, I am a massive nerd. The Lollipop Girls, who are apparently stripping Private Investigators. Recycled Percussion, a Stomp-like group that may have won the Iowa State Fair talent competition at one point.
The Good Montage continues with Jeffrey Ou, a crazy piano prodigy that I swear to God I've seen somewhere before. SQ Entertainment, the 15th hip-hop group to audition. The montage then just turns into acts getting put through in rapid fire. It's TOO MUCH! I'm getting dizzy. It ends with Koshka Raenelle, who sings the pants off Queen Emily from last year.
I KNEW we were missing a precocious little girl! (That Dakota-Fanning-Shirley-Temple-child-of-the-corn from a few weeks ago does not count), This is adorable 8 year-old Ciana who sings "At Last" and is actually an incredible singer and not just for her age. She isn't perfect, she needs a little polish, but overall... I mean, an 8 year-old? Wow. Can you imagine how this girl is going to sound when she's an adult? The judges love her and she is through unanimously.
Joseph James is up next, dressed like he's going to heal me and then speak in tongues. After he starts singing, I wish he had tried that because the shrieking coming out of his mouth is cracking my wine glass. Next!
Bad Montage. Brian and Anthony Lockard, speaking of Children of the Corn. Inara Darko, who sings opera while her too-much-bronzer boyfriend plays electric guitar. Yikes. Scott Renkes and Darren Kessner, who look like if Jack Hanna played a gay club. Franklin Ruehl, who might actually be escaped from the old folks' home as he jabs pencils into a potato.
The next good act is Beale Street Flippers, whose spokesman sounds like an African-American Boomhauer. No, seriously, the act is great. They incorporate hip-hop dance with some nifty acrobatics, but the lead spokesman could enunciate better. One of the flippers does backflips in a circle, which I have never seen before. It's very cool. They are through unanimously.
And that, my friends, is the last audition we have to see! We now have a montage of the series as a whole so far (bloop bloop bloop) and then we have the Susan Boyle interview. Is she actually competing on "America's Got Talent," because I've heard that she is, which I don't understand. She had her shot and took second place.
After watching the video, I see no indication that she's competing, so that's cool. She seems like a nice lady, so good for her.