Recap: "St. Valentine's Day"

This week on 30 Rock, Liz and Dr. Baird, Jack and Elisa, and Kenneth and the prettiest, blindest girl ever went on strange Valentine's dates. Here now the recap!

So, Liz lands her date with Jon Hamm's Dr. Baird, only to have it take a cue from CBS' Worst Week when mishap after mortifying mishap befells our poor heroine. First, in the midst of what was touted as a "very interesting" story of how she was born on the Maryland-Pennsylvania border, Liz's boob falls out of her blouse - and it wasn't even "the good one," she laments. Later, as she is "recovering" from her cheese-based stew (?!) and as her brownies burn, a draft blows the bathroom door open, showing Drew her remaining lady bits.

Is the worst over? Not. By. A stretch. Divorced Drew's daughter gets dropped off, and she is a tween hellraiser with a penchant for drink as well as accumulating those colored bracelets the (ahem) "popular" school girls wear. "Luckily," her visit gets interrupted by the news that Drew's mother is about to croak. While (again) acknowledging that it's "too soon" in their relationship, Drew drags Liz to mom's bedside. There, Liz is left alone to learn a deep and dark secret about her date. And then Mama Baird passes.

Amazingly and one poorly timed liplock later, Liz and Drew salvage the fantastically awkward night and move forward. Hopefully, he doesn't plan to kill and eat her.

Jack, too, endured a hella Saint Valentine's Day date, having been forced by Elisa (Salma Hayek, aka she of the headline-grabbing breasts) to hit church instead of a tony hot-spot featuring a $1,000 dessert. As such, Jack (cell hidden in hand) is forced to contort the Lord's Prayer into a reservtaion cancellation. Were that not offensive/hilarious enough, he then is dragged into confession, where his litany of colorful trespasses gets the best of the priest. "Harvard didn't prepare me for this," the white flag-waving clergyman cries.

Jack and Elisa break up, only to quickly reunite when a McFlurry coupon in a collection plate is seen as a sign that they belong together. Thank Kroc!

Lastly - in what really was a well-divvied episode - Kenneth fell hard for a blind intern pawned off on him by Frank. So hard, in fact, that he couldn't get a word out, prompting Tracy, that incurable romantic, to play Cyrano for the page. Peppering his conversation with mangled cornpone colloquialisms ("Yes-indeedy corn cobs!") and faking a fancy dinner date on the TGS stage, Tracy gets Kenneth far in his bid for romance. Alas, when the smitten Jennifer goes to feel Kenneth's face, his lack of a chin puzzles her and then sends her running. Poor Parcell!

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