The Girlfriend Mystery No One Can (Or Wants to) Solve


The Other night on The Bachelorette, Tanner the Pedi-phile dropped a bomb on Jillian's achey-breaky heart: some guys have girlfriends at home and/or are on her reality TV dating show with hidden agendas! And while she shouldn't have been shocked by this second revelation, given that it IS a reality TV dating show where all of them get liner notes in the morning like, "Michael: Drink 5 redbulls before breakfast ," or "Tanner: Talk about how you want to lick the toes 5 times today," or, "David: Get drunk and be yourself today."


What I'm trying to say is, it's kind of fake, you guys. We all know this. And the idea of a guy coming onto the show with a hidden publicity agenda is neither new nor shocking... unless he wins. Then we would be LIVID. But he won't, and you know it. The fame blame game is just a familiar pitstop on the rocky road of drama to the requisite happy ending. Jillian will pick someone genuine, and Wes's single will never hit the Country Top 40. You know this, too, because you have ears.


That other half of Tanner's implication bomb, however, was like a punch to the gut for lil' ol' Jill. Little did she know that Toe Man was talking about the same guy in both accusations: Wes (I prefer to just call him "Worst") not only wants to drop that single like it's hot, he also apparently told Tanner that there's a girl at home "that he still likes." Somehow this never got caught on film, but there WAS a moment the crew caught in which Worst said to the entire group that he has fallen in love with 3 or 4 women at a time before. SACRE BLEU! That statement actually tells us nothing! Especially because it's a clearly hyperbolic statement within the context of a conversation about how difficult Jillian's choices will be at the end, and in a typical pissing-contest fashion, Worst just wants to make clear to the group that he is the MOST sympathetic to her! Because he is Worst, and Worst will do anything to win.


Let's get one thing straight: whether Worst has a girlfriend at home or not, he is still The Worst. He's cheesy and sneaky and horrible. And the ultimate dramatic tension this season on The Bachelorette depends upon us knowing that he's The Worst, and Jillian thinking he is The Possibly Best, Maybe Even Marriage Material. And for that tension to continue just a few episodes longer, Tanner couldn't name names. It was tricky business, especially when he had Jillian telling him, "I don't want you to name names, but please name names." Probably afraid that Jill would label him a narc and eliminate him for "ratting someone out" (even though she asked him to), Tanner just let his accusation lay there on the table, anonymous and vague.


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