'Jersey Shore' Recap: Getting It In At All Costs

I apologize I wasn't here to recap last week's Jersey Shore episode, you guys. I was off watching my best friend get married in a beautiful, elegant, totally grown up and glorious celebration of love and fidelity--which, if you think even medium-hard about it, is clearly the polar opposite experience of watching Jersey Shore. So I think I can bring some nice, fresh perspective to tonight's episode after reminding myself once more how real adults should treat each other.

Sorry, Jersey Shore. You're doing it wrong. But boy, do I like to watch you do it.

So last week, what did I miss? Vinny and Snooki hooked up, Sammi continued to be a wishy-washy Ronnie doormat (woof) and Mike almost brought home a tranny. But the big news of the night was the fight between JWoww and Sammi, instigated by Angelina spreading rumors about Angelina spreading rumors about Pauly (again, woof) and Vinny running to JWoww to tattle on Angelina. Because don't let their muscles fool you: These are children.

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