'Gossip Girl' Season 3, Episode 16 Recap: 'Miss Blair, You Have No Friends'

No friends? Hire prostitutes! Tonight on Gossip Girl, Blair (Leighton Meester) bribed escorts to be her friends, Chuck's (Ed Westwick) heart got broken, Jenny's (Taylor Momsen) virginity had another close call, and Serena (Blake Lively) and Nate (Chace Crawford) were anointed Golden Couple.

(And Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) wanted to bring spice to her brand new relationship with Dan (Penn Badgley) by dressing up, preparing food that he doesn't enjoy, and then getting mad when he pointed out the inanity of her efforts. Way mature, V.)

"Prostitutes are people, too," Blair told Serena, which was a point except when you're paying them to pretend they're your friends so that they'll attend your mom's fashion show and impress a retail bigwig. Unfortunately, the plan backfired when said retail bigwig (from Salt Lake City) knew a male prostitute in the show and concluded that the line "attracted" prostitutes, which is as we all know, a no-no in the biz.

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