'Celebrity Apprentice' Season 9, Episode 1 Recap: Cyndi Lauper calls Trump fat and disses his wife!

I'm a broken record. For a few years now I've been screaming about how Celebrity Apprentice was the most wonderfully absurd television show in history. I've told friends. I've told family. I tweeted Celebrity Apprentice screeds to followers (you can be one too @EWDaltonRoss nice plug, eh?). It was a long and complex argument a dissertation, if you will, based on the fact that D-list celebrities were competing for a job they would never actually fill while humiliating themselves on a weekly basis along the way. But I don't need to recite it again. For anyone that remains unconvinced, all I need to do is point them to the first two minutes of the third Celebrity Apprentice premiere as exhibit A as to why this is the silliest show ever. The moment I'm referring to, of course, took place as Donald Trump was explaining how all the contestants were putting their careers on hold for charity. (It's true, to a degree. They are competing for the charity of their choice and should be commended for doing so. Of course, I make it a habit of fast forwarding those segments of the program where they present the check they have won to their appropriate charity, because I am a cold hearted bastard who only cares about whore pit vipers and watching Clint Black pretend to use laundry detergent as a lubricant for masturbation, but yes, charity is a significant element of the show). But here's when things got completely amazing. As Trump was telling us all this, he arrived at his limo. Oh, I guess we'll just continue this conversation in the car then. GUESS AGAIN, SUCKA! "You know what? I'm walking," Trump bellowed to his limo driver, who acted like that was the most normal thing in the world for Donald Trump to say.

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