Season 6 Premiere: Drive

This long awaited premiere has had fans marking off days on their calendar for months. There were high hopes and expectations for it to cause a celebratory splash in the summer pool of deadly TV this Sunday night, the 12th of July. But the fireworks were little ones. Although seeing our boys again brought back all sorts of nostalgia from the previous summer, the goings-on of the premiere became merely a fleeting memory by the closing credits. Basic message is, the boys are fine, all is swell, and Vinny's finally growing up.


[I suppose I should put a warning that says there will be plot giveaways beyond this point so Read on your Own Recognizance]

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Vinny, the prodigy movie star, is shedding his security blanket in this episode. He learns to drive! (sort of)... something he's been very adamant about avoiding since day one so that he could always count on the company of his boys in any situation. How sappy. Along that line, he is also beginning to share his closest friends with girls (the long term ones) and apartments, too! The Icky-poo No-Girls-Allowed (unless it's a one night stand) treehouse club is shot to pieces and Vinny, the 'Independent Man,' emerges. Well, barely, but we'll let it slide cos hes a superstar. He manages to cinch his license by bribing the DMV guy, later to broadcast it on Jay Leno, and then continues his strictly gratuitous hook-up habit with Sloan's subletting blonde friend... what'shername? (So DMV guy must be fired by now but he'll still get to attend Vinny's premiere!) As you can see, not THAT much has changed besides Vinny walking into an empty house at the end of the night. We feel so sorry for him, but moving on...


What HAS changed dramatically in terms of character, I'm sure you've noticed, is Lloyd's added weight, slicked haircut, and newfound assertiveness. He maintains this without losing the dainty appeal that we all love so much. As Lloyd demands a promotion, Ari proposes a be-my-bitch-for-100-days card in exchange. The first assignment is to shed 15 pounds. Slavedriver! How primitive. My question is... is it really possible that the producers had Lloyd put on 15 pounds just to have him lose it in Ari Gold's 100-day-reign-of-terror? Or did he just gain that extra cushioning in a matter of 8 months on his own? Either way, I'm sure we'll be expecting to see a leaner Lloyd soon on the Ari Gold diet plan. That's dedication.


Ari, our beloved agent extraordinaire and source of endless memorable quotes, was oddly attached to his new protege in this episode for signing the already obsolete star of "My name is Earl." The pair conjoined at the hip really decreases Ari's sex appeal and ability to always say the damnedest things. Ari does the unthinkable, he mentions our hospiced economy as the culprit of his declining business as a way for the show to stay current. Hmm.. hasn't this been played out a bit too much by.. well, ALL other shows on television? And does the economy really prick the Hollywood bubble anyway?


The one that really did not disappoint tonight was Johnny Drama, as he was as desperate, pathetic, and inappropriate as ever. Line of the night: "Pussy can smell other pussy and then they have to pounce on it. That's why when you're on a hot streak you gotta press it like Blackjack" when talking with E about Sloan and the other women he's been hooking up with. Impressive analogy Drama.


Well the puppydog-faced E is as whipped as ever by Sloan but, of course, at the insistence of his friendly hook-up specialists, Drama and Turtle (ha!), he has learned to branch out into the strictly physical relationship realm with an assortment of agent groupies. Sloan remains the only audience-approved girl for E so let's hope his new apartment proves enough to her to let him stay at her place for more than just 1 drink...


So it was a nice placesetting episode to clue us in on everyone's current position but no big shabang (figuratively) yet. Let's look forward to seeing some glitz and g

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Jul 13, 2009 4:25PM EDT

perfect summary.

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