Tonight is the night that pesky ‘be more contemporary’ criticism will be put to rest. No more ballads from the 80s. No more anthems from the 70s. Tonight the theme is the songbook of the one, the only…Elton John. The hippest guy eva. Innit. Dog.
Remember last week when whatsherface was eliminated over Katie? No? Didn’t think so.
Paije: Paije went to the world premiere of Harry Potter. Douchebag. Whatever he sings I’ll hate out of pure spite. Actually, spite isn’t necessary. He’s singing Elton’s Crocodile Rock. I think I’ll save my spite for the next performer. Louis complains that Paije wasn’t even born when the song was made. With that logic only Mary and Wagner have a chance tonight.
Aiden: He’s singing Rocket Man. He’s so into it. Look at that jacket: he looks just like Elton John with his hair in a quiff. Danni’s gone crazy, which is never squirmy, especially when she’s making a duck shadow-puppet across Louis’ face. Quack.
Mary: She wasn’t at the Harry Potter premiere, which means I like her more than I ever have in my whole entire life. She sings/shouts Can You Feel The Love Tonight, which is not my favourite song, but it is from my favourite film OF ALL TIME. No, Mary, I cannot feel the love tonight.
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