'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' recap: The Seven-Month Itch

Perhaps in an effort to curb teen pregnancy, our nation's school systems can enlist Ms. Phaedra Parks to lecture students on the horrors of childbirth. "Giving birth is the closest thing next to death," she explained last night. That's right kids, don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.

Phaedra continued to take liberties with her interpretation of the miracle of childbirth. At maybe-seven months pregnant (but who's counting?), she headed to Augusta to "drop the load," with help from Dr. Lue, the "one doctor [she'd] let near [her] vagina," and also share "barbarian cream" lady fingers with. (Yes, the hilarious Karen Valby is off this week so consider me your boughetto replacement.)

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