'Jersey Shore' recap: Attack of the Squirrel Monkeys

It always comes down to real estate. Sammi and Ron were the first to arrive back at the shore house, so they had first-pick rights on a bedroom. They chose the upstairs three-bedder, because that room is bigger, because it has a nice bathroom, and because it was the only way they could absolutely guarantee that every single person in the house would despise them right away. Like the proverbial last surviving samurai fighting an army of zombie ninjas, Sammi is on a go-for-broke suicide run. Everyone already hates her. Her only hope is to dig her hole so deep that she emerges in Australia, where she can start a new life as an annoying Australian person who everyone hates, and then she can dig up to space and colonize Mars. Read More....



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