Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Introductions

1. Lea’s House
Lea: Hi, I’m Lea, and I collect people. It sounds creepy, sure, but it’s not at all because the people I collect are crazy, and therefore nobody cares. I love crazy people because they’re interesting and also because of their emotional and mental fragility. They’re soooooooo much easier to bend to my will, know what I mean? Like, for instance, I’m friends with Dennis Rodman! Remember him? No, you don’t. Which is why he’s friends with me now.

I came to Miami in the eighties and staked out my husband, high-profile lawyer husband Roy Black, while serving on the jury on the William Kennedy Smith trial. Veerry high-profile case, veeeerrry exclusive rape trial. Anyway, Roy lived in this "historical" house in Coral Gables designed by a famous architect. Meanwhile, the place is like 4,500 square feet. What is that, a shoe closet? Because it’s clearly not capacious enough to house both my ego and my implants. Anyway, I declared it a health hazard and "updid" it! Ha-ha! Am I adorable or what? Fuck those historical society people. Read More...


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