'Jersey Shore' recap: The Case of the Sexting Sweetheart

Last night's episode of Jersey Shore actually told three distinct stories, and all of them centered on a mystery.  I'm talking real hardcore potboilers, noir thrillers, the sort of mystery you'd read about in an Encyclopedia Brown book, if anyone still reads anything in this miserable modern era. Let's run down the night's three brainteasers. Remember: only two of them were actually solved during the episode.

The Case of the Puppy Prison Break

Listen, kids, we've all had a good time here making fun of the fact that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is actually a 45-year-old man. Uncle Situation is cranky. He moves slowly. He tries fitting in with the kids by wearing ridiculous clothes. He's disturbed by anything that is unclean. He thinks Mark Harmon is the most badass person on television. You  might argue, "But his birth certificate says he was born in 1982!" Well, fine, but birth certificates can be faked. Just look at Barack Obama, who was actually born in Kenya, or George W. Bush, who was actually the crown prince of Monaco before the revolution forced him to flee. (You didn't hear about the Monegasque Revolution? Well, maybe you should try reading theinternational news every now and then, hippie.) Read More...



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