'The Real Housewives of Orange County' recap: Lick It, Shoot It, Suck It

Allow Vicki to explain: There are tire tracks on her back. See these tracks? They go up and down her spray-tanned backside, crissy-crossy and around and around. And there's knife marks back there too, big yawning wounds that are infected by the toxic bile of betrayal. The hotel concierge had to pay homage to her tire tracks. And the lovely women who showed Tamra and Vicki around their Cabo penthouse suite and backed away slowly when the black-clad blondes invited to do tequila shots. And the lovely waiter who had the nerve to bring Vicki what she ordered. Sir, why don't you just take that lime-soaked raw fish and rub it in the tire tracks on her back. Hasn't she already suffered enough?

This weekend away was Tamra's chance to make everything up to Vicki. And the woman was going to have to beg. There would be courting. And friendship contracts. And vows made seaside, as the sun set and the women held hands gazing into each other's permanently eye-lined eyes. And if they were really going to be friends again, Tamra would need to stop flashing the camera her bikini wax and compliment her boobs every 10 minutes and rub Vicki's back while she fell asleep, murmuring promises that she was the best Mom in the world and her kids would never leave her. Read More...



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