'The Real Housewives of Orange County' recap: Jesus Barbie and the Tubba Wubbas

Remember that one time when Gretchen put on a baseball cap with a bedazzled evil eye and told Tamra she was a total bitch and Tamra was all 'In my house, are you kidding me?' and Alexis pulled at the really highlighted section of her hair and Vicki's whole face twitched like a rabbit? Of course you do because every single episode of this season is a rehash of that non-starter of a fight. Now the whole fracas has been coated with a thin film of pretend Mace and somebody is going to apologize or at least offer to host the next party. (Cellulite removal? Permanent eyeliner application? Completely Bare vagina tattoos?) Anyways, Tamra showed Vicki one of Alexis' sniffy text messages—new bejeweled tiger phone case!—and groan-vomited. "This is retarded!" said Vicki. "She is aruh-tard!"

Speaking of sensitivity, Gretchen thinks her three dogs look like "fat 'tards." She forced Slade to pull out the scale, running a warning finger along her neck out of camera range. His strategy was to guess high, so that the actual number maybe earned him a lighter punishment. There was a terribly unfortunate flashback to Season 1 when he did some tai chi moves wearing nothing but a puffy eye blindfold and some underwear. "When someone looks at me they probably think I got it going on," he said. "Borderline movie star, they're not quite sure." As big of a ding-dong as he clearly is/was, it's still no fun listening to Gretchen pound away at him for being such a joke. He's too fat. The dog fell and it was his fault, even though she was in the process of handing him the other one. Does he seriously call this  gum ball flower ring a present? He's totally going to break the branch off that tree with his fat ass and she is going to laugh her evil clown laugh for everyone to hear. Read More...



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