'The Real Housewives of New York City' recap: Swan Lake: This Time it's Realistic.

A Count-less free life is definitely bringing out a new looseness in LuAnn. To say she's warmer or funnier this season is probably an overstatement, but would the Countess of seasons past have emerged from the back room of spa to gleefully announce that she had just gotten her entire underside waxed? ("Take your mimosa in there and get it done!" she then hollered at Kelly. "I deserve a cupcake.") Our girl, suddenly a woman of passion and appetite, is finally getting some. And Bravo is loving all of her blowsy, self-amusing bursts of sexual innuendo. "I don't suggest you spit, dahling," she told Kelly at Jacques' Wine Connection speed dating event. "I highly suggest swallowing." Haughty snicker, haughty snicker. "I do."

Kelly is lonely. She wants a partner and a father for her children. Sea and Teddy deserve a normal life. (There's always medication Mommy can take!) While she waits for the dating princess to leave a man under her pillow, LuAnn suggested she show up at any events where there's the possibility of a European being in the room. So off to the Wine Connection Kelly went, with a horny-looking Sonja and an I-shaved-my-legs-for-this? Cindy as companions. Kelly got that sniffy, confused, creepy smile when she saw there wasn't any Kelly lemon-aid on the drinks menu. It matched the expression of her Round 2, a mean aspiring actor who trained at Julliard and was terribly impolite to poor Cindy. Kelly, who doesn't have much game, suggested they amuse themselves with a little improv, like they did in the movie Due Date. Hold on, let the man rearrange his demeanor fromI want to kill you, you bore me so badly to I have cancer, marry me. Ding ding ding! "I have an announcement for you," trilled LuAnn. "I've stolen Jacques' bell." Sonja promptly removed her stockinged foot from her speed date's crotch and shook her decollete like a pom pom. Next! Read More...



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