'The Bachelorette' season premiere recap: Eyes Wide Shut

Welcome back, rose lovers! I hope you're fed, well hydrated, and otherwise prepared for the first leg of our "journey." I feel ready, perhaps because over the break I've successfully scrubbed almost all of the memories of Ashley and Brad from the sulci in my brain, so now I can pretend that she sprung, fully formed, from Mike Fleiss' head like Athena, with no previous Bachelor baggage. So let The Bachelorette: Chantal Said No begin!

After a brief recap of Ashley's crash and burn in South Africa, we cut to Philadelphia for Ashley's Pensively Searching the Horizon for Love montage, which inexplicably includes a sequence in which she performs some modern dance in an empty theater. Maybe I did too good of a job scrubbing my brain, because I have absolutely no recollection of Ashley talking about anything except dentistry and fear of commitment. She's a dancer? Yep, apparently she is the second coming of Tenley, folks. Even with the inevitable nod to Rocky'straining montage, things are not off to an auspicious start. Read More...



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