'The Bachelorette' recap: Heads you win, tails you cry

Week two already? Wow, time flies when you're making fun of people on TV. It's another gorgeous, sunny day in Bachelorette land, and Harrison welcomes the "men" to the living room for the standard group date, individual date, date rose rundown. (Shirt: slate blue. Cuffs: unbuttoned. Don't worry -- Harrison can pull it off.) I'm a little thrown off, however, because the men have no mimosas. The "ladies" ALWAYS get mimosas at the Date Card Drop Off.

Somehow, they soldier on, and Ames -- who, as a commenter called "texas" brilliantly put it, "looks like a Ken doll who slipped through quality control" -- reads the date card. "William, want to make a splash in Vegas?" The cellular phone salesman (ugh, just typing that makes me sad) is nervous that he might "blow it," but it's probably too late to worry about that. Ashley, sporting a super-tight white lace minidress, drives up in her cute little convertible and fetches William. "She's driving?" marvels one of the Interchangeable White Guys, who perhaps would feel more comfortable in Saudi Arabia. As a private jet whisks William and Ashley off to Vegas, Jeff -- who, impressively, has managed to make himself look worse by putting his mask on over a knit cap -- chats with Ames about (what else?) his mask. "Now that we're in 90 degree weather," asks Irregular Ken, "do you wish you wore a white mask?" Good point. But there's a method to Jeff's madness -- though that method is, in a word, incomprehensible. "With me coming in the house with this mask on my face, I've taken a stealth approach, and I feel like a lot of the guys are just riding around in cabs." Okay, I didn't get an 800 on the verbal portion of my SATs, but I'm pretty sure there's no analogy that pairs with "stealth : taxicab." Read More...



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