'Jersey Shore' recap: Le Notti Bianche

Readers, I want to run a thought experiment here. Debase yourself mentally for a few impure moments, and allow yourself to walk a mile in The Situation's shoes. Let's say you wake up on a humid Florentine afternoon, your breath smelling of expensive cigarettes and rank tequila, your head feeling a few miles removed from the rest of your body. You've been sleeping on a couch in the foyer. A flock of pigeons has taken up residence a few feet from your head, perhaps attracted by the pure-grade Emirates diesel you put in your hair, so it shines like black cordite.

It takes a long time to walk from your bed to the toilet, from the bidet to the shower, back to the toilet for a manful regurge, then over to the hot tub for a morning soak. Let's theorize that that whole process takes you the better part of two hours. In that time, you feel less like a human being and more like a dragon, sliming around on your pile of gold coins searching for a hobbit to munch on. Eventually, the hot tub jetstream makes you feel almost yourself. You throw on some Abercrombie & Fitch. At that exact moment, a blonde woman appears at your doorway. Her body double lurks behind her. Speaking in unison, they screech, "You said you'd be ready in an hour!" Read More...



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