'Jersey Shore' recap: Umberto D.

John Updike once wrote, "Inhabiting a male body is like having a bank account; as long as it’s healthy, you don’t think much about it." Clearly, when he wrote those words in 1993, Updike was using his Great-American-Novelist powers of precognition to pre-recap (precap?) last night's episode of Jersey Shore. This is, coincidentally, why Ernest Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises doubles as a precap of Jersey Shore season 2, and why William Faulkner's novella The Bear -- the story of a haunted, monstrous, viciously aggressive bear who seems almost human sometimes -- is basicallythe essential unauthorized biography of Ronnie.

The episode began on an unusually somber note. Poor old Sitch was suddenly facing his own mortality. His neck, which was once so beautiful and so young, was shrouded behind the scientific misery of an Italian medical cast. "I got a neckbrace on for ten days," moaned Mike. He looked to his housemates for sympathy. But they were all so much younger than him -- remember, The Situation is almost old enough to be their handsy Uncle. "Who cares about you, old man!" they screamed. When Sitch wasn't looking, Pauly D and Vin-Vin snuck into his room and played with his neckbrace. "Looka me," they giggled, "I'm The Situation! I'm-a gonna die soon!" Then they high-fived and backslapped and drank and whored and watched the sun rise and knew they would be young forever. Read More...



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