Jersey Shore Recap: The Adventures of Louie and Tony

After almost two Snooki-less weeks, our long national nightmare is over: The Jersey Shore is BACK! So much has happened in the world since Mike smashed his own face into a cement wall: earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, terror threats, and Jo Calderone. This is a message from above — the G in GTL is God, and he/she's a Shore fan. At long last, here's the Filthy Dozen:

The episode begins with some lovely exterior shots of Firenze, and some disgusting interior shots of a groaning Mike loafing around the house in jizzy sweatpants and a neck brace. He's feeling sorry for himself. He claims he can't GTL, although we're not sure how his injury prevents him from lying in a tanning bed and having his laundry delivered. Pauly and Vin say to the camera that Mike's "milking that shit" before launching into a very funny impression of him. Mike then calls his SIStutation, Melissa, who tries to cheer him up by saying that he'll "be back to himself" in a couple of days, which means he'll soon again be a glazed, manipulative prick who will deliberately run head first into a brick wall, thereby resulting in the same injury, and the cycle will repeat itself over and over. Smart people can tell us what this time loop is called. We saw it on Star Trek once. Speaking of things repeating themselves again and again in an endless time loop, a shirtless, teary Ron tells Sammi's comforter that he loves her and wants to talk. Awesome. Read More...


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