Recap: 'America's Next Top Model: All-Stars' Premiere - 'Nicki Minaj'

Here comes The Tyra Banks Reality Show -- I mean, heh, whoops, "America’s Next Top Model!" And for our cycle opener, we get a sequence featuring the star of the whole show! No, not the model all-stars, silly! Tyra Banks, the person you really want to see! Because Tyra Banks says so! So anyway, Tyra is in bed, and she’s having a dream, and it’s totes more interesting than the Fiat commercial that comes right afterward featuring that J. Lo person nobody’s ever heard of!
Actually, maybe it’s good that Tyra is taking up so much space, because, in case you haven’t put it together, this cycle is all about the "all stars" of previous seasons -- including megabitches Bianca, Angelea, Camilla, Alexandria, Lisa "I Always Knew I Was A Star" D’Amato and Bre. We also have Isis, Dominique, Sheena, Kayla the Proud Lesbian, Allison and Shannon, who thinks that posing nude is a dirty, filthy shame.
She should go about as far as she did the first time.

Mr. Jay arrives at the Top Model house. Bianca calls it family reunion, but do not delude yourself, honey: Mr. Jay is not your daddy. He is nothing like you. He has an actual career, for one. Anyway, Jay announces the first photo shoot, in which the girls must pose as larger-than-life versions of their personalities. Bianca gets a hideous red weave to match her nasty, bloodthirsty inner self. Bianca, who says she’s a professional model with the Ford agency, seems like she’s about to be reduced to tears by a few ugly hairs. The photographer calls her shoot amateurish. Read More...


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