'Dancing With the Stars' recap: The First Cut is the Steepest

On the first week of season 13's competition,Dancing With the Stars bid farewell to the biggest mouthful our fair Planet Mirrorballus has ever seen: Ron Artest a.k.a. Metta World Peace and his partner Peta Murgatroyd. Heavens, no! He'll just have to go play ass-grab (which he admitted was his favorite part of the cha cha cha) with someone else starting tomorrow. Or tonight!

I'm disappointed I won't be further pondering what kind of all-encompassing never-before-seen sandwich something called a "meta pita" would entail, but at least this crazy dude was gracious in his goodbye and got the chance to plop his sparkle-brimmed hat on old-timey comedy star Tom Bergeron during the first hour. Also, I lied -- I'm never going to stop thinking about that sandwich.

Can I get a standing ovation right now for Tom for pulling off these monstrously "liiiiiiiiiive" two-hour results shows? He has to be such a chatterbox and cover so much turf. Luckily he's started perching himself on Level 3 or so of the new sky-high white lacquer staircase, so he can better survey his empire, listen closely for the opportunity to make wise-guy Titatnicquips, and consider some of the world's biggest questions, such as "How do you solve a problem like Rob Kardashian?" Read More...



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