'Survivor' recap: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Creepy Stalker

I am a married man. Happily married. Sure, sometimes the wife drags me out to see horrible Hugh Grant movies, and occasionally I have to answer idiotic questions like "Will you miss me if I die?" but all in all, I'm a pretty lucky dude. I would never do anything to hurt my wife. Which is why, effective immediately, no more women are allowed to read theseSurvivor recaps!  That's right, you heard me, temptresses! Your time here is over! And don't you even think about commenting on the message boards either — flaunting your feminine names and your charming takes on last night's episode. I won’t stand for it! Never mind that none of you have ever actually expressed one iota of interest in a romantic relationship with me or even really acknowledged that I exist beyond a byline. That's not the point! You're there, and simplyknowing you are there makes you automatically guilty of being a seductress of the highest order. Be gone!

At least that's the advice I just got from my new BFF, Brandon. He says it is dangerous to be within 500 feet (or 500 words, in my case) ofany attractive female, even if she is twice as tall and appears to be personally repulsed by you on a multitude of levels. He also claims that people will try to manipulate actual events through editing to make it seem as if you are constantly staring at women's vaginas, which may or may not be true. But if I've learned only one thing in life, it is to alwaystrust someone who goes by the name of Hantz. Read More...



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