‘The X-Factor’: Season 1, Episode 2: Miami and Dallas Tryouts

Screaming, wailing, flailing and bemoaning. That seems to be the soundtrack "The X-Factor," i.e. "American Idol" sorta kinda if A.I. let groups, old people, children and naked men audition.

By the way, did you know Simon liked ginger tea and hanging out poolside barefoot? Now you do. Feel free to write his personal ad.

Judges also include Paula Abdul, Pussycat Doll Nicole in the Kara DioGuardi position and record producer L.A. Reid in the Randy Jackson role, without the "dawg" and "pitchy." The winner gets $5 million and will probably be eliminated from 95 percent of the audience’s memory immediately. But we’re all still tuning in to see what Simon says.

First up is Ashley, who doesn’t shut up and is so annoying that the judges beg her to sing. And then they wish they hadn’t as she shreds Janis Joplin like a chalk squeak. Horrible. The too-short dress and duck-like dancing just adds to the nightmare. It’s not a good start. Reid says he wanted to slit his wrists. Read More...



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