'Jersey Shore' recap: il Gattopardo

It seems inconceivable that the Jersey Shorecast could possibly hate Florence so much. Sure, none of them really speak Italian. Sure, it's impossible to get a decent tan. Sure,Snooki killed a cop. But we have to keep some perspective here, viewers. These people were flown out to one of the great old cities of the Western World, were given a lavish villa with a fizzy hot tub and a pigeon-friendly smoker's porch, were expressly instructed by their MTV overseers to do nothing but have fun, fun, fun, fun. And yet, as we consider the penultimate episode of this season, we have to reach one simple, scientific conclusion: Fun is what they are not having.

After some early luck with the Low Self-Esteem Twins, the local population has proven immune to the cast's smushworthy charms. The housemates have, slowly but surely, turned away from the outside world. Like an aging family of aristocrats fearful of the changing world outside, they've been forced to huddle together in semi-incestuous pansexuality. Deena and Snooki tried to strangle each other with their tongues. Pauly and Vinny have declared their eternal love-bond. J-Woww and Sammi have become friends, and Sammi and Ronnie have somehow maintained a healthy relationship for weeks now. When you consider the general animosity between those three people in season 3, the only possible conclusion is that they have decided to make peace before the world comes to an end. Read More...



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