'Survivor' recap: Ozzy Loses It

Recapping Survivor is a lot of fun. Almost as much fun as back when I used to play keytar for 1980s glam metal band Slaughter. Damn, those were the days. Okay, okay, I admit it. That’s what I call a half-lie, or a "little bit of a lie." The truth is, I would have been a kickass keytar player and Slaughter would have been damn lucky to have me, but alas, it was not meant to be. But it’s cool to just lie and say I did, right? Almost as cool as this cigarette I have right here next to me. Not a problem to just smoke it up. Although, if I am going to smoke something, might as well just make it marijuana, am I right? You with me? I know one person who is  — my boy Brandon! He says lying, cigarettes, and pot are all totally cool! At least I think he did. Truth be told, I’m so freakin’ baked on doobies right now I have no idea what he said. All I know is I just downloaded the entire Cheech & Chong library, am halfway through a bag of Cheetos, and for some reason can’t stop listening to Phish. But all of that will have to wait as we hit on a few big themes and moments from last night’s Survivor: South Pacific. Read More...



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