'Survivor' recap: Ultimate Sacrifice or Stupidity?

When I was a young boy, I dreamed that I would grow up to quarterback my beloved Washington Redskins to a Super Bowl championship. Fans would chant my name, players would poor buckets of Gatorade over my head in jubilant celebration, and Bryant Gumbel and his big afro would be interviewing me in the locker room where I would hoist the Vince Lombardi trophy and talk about how I did it all for my poor brother Johnny who was stuck in a wheelchair and never got a chance to walk, much less play the game we both loved so much. "This is for you, Johnny! This is for you!!!"

It was an idiotic dream. For one thing, I was scrawny as I was weak. We’re talking Cochran levels of ineptitude here. No way was I ever making the NFL. For another thing, I could barely throw a regulation size football five yards, which from what I gather is a prerequisite for being a Super Bowl champion quarterback. And then there’s the fact that I grew up with a sister named Allison, not a brother Johnny, and she walked just fine. (I guess the nonsensical insertion of a fictional handicapped brother made me seem extra dramatic and would make Hollywood more likely to produce a movie about my life story or something.) The point is, kids — never follow your dreams. They are just there to mock and confuse you. Which brings us to Ozzy Lusth. Ozzy had a dream that he saved both his tribe and his reputation for being a bad strategic player by volunteering to be voted off and go to Redemption Island. So then he went and did it. Of course, the idea didn’t first come to him in a dream. Nor did it come to him after watching Christine defeat Mikayla in her fifth straight duel. No, it came to him while talking to me the day before the game began as we discussed whether going to Redemption Island on purpose would be a viable strategy for him. Read More...



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