So! Which of the moments from last night’s special Halloween episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was the most terrifying?
A. The reveal of Kim Richards’s boyfriend’s face?
B. Seeing Mauricio’s mom bandaged up post-surgery, like she was starring in the new Almodóvar movie?
C. The visage of Russell Armstrong, back from the dead to smile all of his huge ghost teeth at us?
The answer, of course is … none of these moments! The most terrifying part of last night’s episode had to do with the woman Mohamed hired to play the part of "The Mermaid" at Pandora’s very understated, restraint- and class-fueled affair. Remember that person? The one who seemed like she wasn’t invited? She flopped in a silver tail around Mohamed’s pool with the charisma of a panhandler, bleating, "I’m a Mermaid! I’m a Mermaid! Mermaid!" — because that’s the sound mermaids make? It was messed up.
But, yes, all of the first three moments were completely shocking, upsetting, and classically horrifying, too. Let’s start with Mauricio’s perfectly beautiful mom, who, last season, made the mistake of sitting next to Paul and Adrienne Maloof during a party at Kyle’s, thereby opening herself up to a suggestion from the surgeon that she might do well with a "mini-face-lift." A year later, she got one, on-camera, and from Paul’s stubby, hairy hand, which drew Sharpie lines all over Estella’s lovely face as if he were scrawling a note that said "There’s no ‘mini’ in face-lift, dipshit. Ha-ha." Read More...